


Close your eyes and feel me

by StephanieWritesFanfic



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Almost Kiss, Angst, Desire, F/M, Fluff, Meant To Be, Sexual Tension, Smut, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2020-12-24 12:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 29,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21099632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephanieWritesFanfic/pseuds/StephanieWritesFanfic
Summary: In which Charlotte comes back home to an normal life with her heart broken, the only thing keeping her in touch with this world she was briefly a part of is the letters she sent and receives.





	1. Overall, Charlotte had only great things to say about her time in Sanditon.

**Author's Note:**

> In which Charlotte comes back home to an normal life with her heart broken, the only thing keeping her in touch with this world she was briefly a part of is the letters she sent and receives.

Charlotte woke up as the sun did, accompanied by the birdsongs right next to her windows. It was for her such a difference compared to the many sounds present in Sanditon at  every moment of the day. She stayed in her bed, laying still, for some moments with her eyes close as the cruel reality she was living in came violently back to her. Her sister Alison was sleeping peacefully in her own bed next to her, not a trace of worry showing in her face. 

Charlotte let go of a sigh. 

_ Get yourself together! He's out of your life and you are away from Sanditon, you  _ ** _must _ ** _ move on.  _ She thought to herself. 

With every little strength she had, she compelled herself to get up, put on a dress and go downstairs, where she was welcomed only by complete silence.She knew it was a matter of minutes before her parents would wake up and so would her siblings, as they would be soon enough coming running down the stairs, babbling about the day to come, innocently and happily. 

Charlotte felt out of place and couldn’t bare the idea of doing the same. Her heart was heavy in her chest and she wasn't sure if she would be able to hold on to the same smile she masked herself with as she arrived last night. She felt trapped where she was and, unable to resist any longer, quickly went outside and almost ran to the field behind her house. With the wish of the country air making her feel better, she walked as far as she could. Sadly, the heaviness of her heart, her inability to breathe correctly and the damning pression she was feeling in all her being made her feel all so dizzy. Her eyes were full of tears, and before she knew, she had let herself fall on to the ground. 

There, Charlotte let go of the tears she was trying to hold back and let them roll all over her face. As she let go of numerous childish sobs, one hand on her chest while the other one was grabbing on the grass, she felt a whole lot of emotions coming altogether. She was both numb and full of feelings, most of them she only had read before Sanditon. 

The green colour of jealousy 

The red one of anger 

The blues of her sadness 

And yet her heart was also full of love and understanding. 

She didn’t know how long she had stayed on the ground in that emotional state. Maybe only a couple of minutes, maybe an hour. Anyways, when she finally felt like she was back to her self, like she had no more tears to cry, she got back on her feet and went slowly back home. Inside, she saw her family eating their breakfast together in the most familiar sounds. She had forgot how her family sounded and couldn't stop a little smile to grow on her face. 

\- Charlotte! We were wondering where you were! Exclaimed her mother

\- I woke up earlier than everyone and went on a walk. I have had forgotten how calm the field was and needed to remind myself of the countryside’s pure air. Charlotte said while sitting down at her family’s table. 

Her sister Alison gave her a weird look, as if she didn’t truly believed her sister, but didn’t added anything. 

As time went by the mornings in the Heywood’s household went to look awfully like that, and Charlotte founded herself to be trapped into this mundane routine of waking up at dawn and go on her solitary walk in the field. She didn't went with the optic to cry, far from that, but much more to take a time for herself, only herself, before coming back into the big crowded house, which felt all so overwhelming and not so familiar anymore. 

Her adventure in Sanditon was described as a beautiful and very educational time by Charlotte herself. She told her family about the balls and parties, the new encounters she made, particularly with Georgiana and Lady Susan, and she ought to say more than once how glad she was of the Parker’s to have took her in for the summer. Overall, Charlotte had only great things to say concerning her time in Sanditon. 

Her parents didn’t make any fuss out of her morning walks, but they did worried about the happiness of their daughter. The truth is she had left her hometown as a young girl full of imagination,with an adventurous mind and always babbling about anything, and she had came back a more silenced, discrete young women. They couldn’t stop wondering what high society had done to their little girl over the course of only one summer, and if she was hiding some bad experiences from them. 

The first letter Charlotte received from Sanditon came two weeks only after she came home. Signed by Mary, Charlotte found herself so happy to received any type of news about her friends back in Sanditon.

  
  
  


_ My dear Charlotte, _

_ Two weeks has passed since you left our house in Sanditon and we miss you dearly. The children are asking about your well being with such an eager that we had to write to you. Please do tell us that you are feeling well and so does your family. I miss your company awfully and find that you were rather a very bright and kind addition to our home, which you quickly became a part of. Sanditon doesn't feel the same now that you have left it. _

_ I know how things ended for you back here and made you feel obliged to leave, but surely you know how welcomed you are. Sanditon will always be there for you, Charlotte, and Tom and I will always be more than happy to welcome you into our home.  _

_ With all the kindness,  _

_ Mary Parker.  _

This very short yet personal letter felt like a balm to the heart. Charlotte did not felt like home and couldn't stop the very small tear to come out of her eye. She had felt her truest self in Sanditon and had discovers so much in such a little of time. This little city, soon to be the next destination for the Beau monde, molded her and thought her the rudeness and kindness of life itself. Sanditon had been of the greatest adventure of her life, and she could not let go of its memory.

_ him _

_ him _

_ him _

Her heart ached to this particular thought. But her conscience was right, awfully right, if Sandition had been the ultimate experience she ever had, Sidney Parker was responsible of most of it.

Sanditon was a place of fun, kindness, adventures, discoveries as much as friendships and love. And as much as she had to leave so abruptly, mostly because of the pain in her heart, she was yet ready to move on and was, on the contrary, craving for more.

  
  



	2. She looked like a goddess and he, on the other hand,looked like a simple mortal that was not deserving of her whatsoever.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it's Sidney's turn to be sad and lost about the situation.

_He opened his eyes to see her head on his chest, her hair laying everywhere else, so freely. Her face was peaceful, and so was he. Sidney slowly got his hand up to her naked shoulder, and gently brushed her pale skin. The view of his ring reminded him of a lifetime of waking up like this, and his heart was full of beautiful emotions. _

_Her skin shivered as he touched her, and her eyebrows frowned as she woke up. She didn’t open her eyes, but rather kept them close as she put her face in the crook of his neck. Her lips brushed his skin and it was his turn to shiver to her touch. **A lifetime of this**, he thought to himself. As she smiled her hand slowly went from his belly to his shoulder, leaving behind tingles everywhere on him. Sidney couldn’t stop a sigh from his mouth as he closed his eyes, tightening his pression on her hips, from where he had not yet realized his hand were. _

_She kissed him on the neck, her fingers dancing on his jawline, and went all the way up to his jaw. He felt her naked body against his as she silently slided on top of him, not breaking her multiple kisses. He growled as her legs enrolled his hips, her hair falling on both their faces. He opened his eyes and looked right at her, in all of her splendid natural state, her hair loose and her breast opened to him. _

_She looked like a goddess and he, on the other hand,looked like a simple mortal that was not deserving of her whatsoever. _

_**Touch me**, she whispered, her hands on his chest and her eyes looking right at him._

_ Charlotte had such a sensual aura surrendering her, almost as if she was an angel coming down to earth. Both of his hands were quickly on her breast while she let out a soft moan._

_ **When will your wife be home?** Asked Charlotte _

_Confused, Sidney’s hand stopped their circular motions. _

_She kept exploring his body with her hands and started at the same time rolling her hips on him._

_ **What did you say?** He asked _

_She kissed his peck, **your wife**, she said, her lips licking every inch of him, **when will Eliza be back home?** _

_His hands felt down to his side, and his heart, who had felt so warm seconds ago, was suddenly aching violently. His ring on his finger started to burn on his skin as the reality came to him. _

_Eliza was his wife, not Charlotte. He did not had a lifetime ahead of him with the woman he loved and her lips weren’t his to kiss till the end of time._

His heart started to race dangerously fast and before he could realize it, Sidney Parker was back in his bed, damp in his sweat, his heart pounding against his chest.

Another night being engaged to the wrong woman, another dream that ended up in fears. How could he spent the rest of his life in this state? How would he be able to wake up in the middle of the night, his wife by his side, because of a dream he had with another woman? How miserable would that life be? All while Charlotte Heywood would be finding new encounter, move on from him so easily. One day she would find love, an accessible one, and would marry into it. That man would be able to do all kinds of wonderful things to her in their shared bed, but most importantly, he would had the privilege of spending a complete life with her by his side.

All Sidney Parker had of her was some memories of a summer amongst others, and soon enough he would become a thing of the past to her. While he, on the other hand, would spent the rest of his life waking up in complete agony, pretending to love someone else while dreaming of Charlotte Heywood every single nights.

Sidney could not hold it anymore and got up. He knew that what he was about to do was irresponsible of him and could risk everything, but the truth is that he could not stop himself from doing so. It felt to him as if he would combust right here, right now if he didn’t do it.

Sidney Parker had to write a letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In chapter 3 we will get to read what Mr.Parker has to say to the young Charlotte Heywood.


	3. Nothing, no dreams of his or trick of his imagination would ever compare to the presence and warmth of Charlotte herself.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we gets to read Sidney's letter and Charlotte's crushing answer to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise they won't be all sad forever. My characters must, after a while, get what they want ;)

To miss Charlotte Heywood,

Miss Heywood, you must be surprised to see this letter is indeed not written by neither my brother Tom nor his wife Mary, but by me. I know how inappropriate it is of me to write to you, being engaged to another woman and you not promised to anyone. Even though I realise that if it was the case this situation would still be incredibly inappropriate.

Please forgive me for daring writing to you, but I must. Miss Heywood, I need to repeat my apologies for this particular situation we have found ourselves in while you were back here in Sanditon. It was wrong of me to have done and said, or worst, unsaid, things to you that I shouldn’t have. The truth is, Miss Heywood, is that I truly thought I would be able to propose to you after coming back to London, you have to believe me.

There is no words enough to explain the anger and disappointment I feel about our situation, and how much I wish things ended differently. If there is any doubts in your mind as of the feelings I have developed over our time together, I must put them to ease.

Because miss Heywood, I was ready to lay down my heart to you without any shame, and never did I ever wished to hurt you the way I know I did.

I am in the best position to know how hurtful love can be, and I feel the need to tell you, Miss Heywood, how deserving of love you are. When the time will come and it present itself to you again, you must open your heart to it without any doubts, and not be bitter, nor scared about it. I dare to hope that happiness can be find in love, and you surely deserves it.

With all the wishes of happiness there is,

Mr. Sidney Parker

Charlotte hands were shaking as she read his letter, written by  _ him, _ for  _ her.  _ She tried her best to control her face in front of her family, but it did not take long before her mother noted the crushed look on her daughter’s face.

- **_My! Whatever bad news were you confronted to? my dear Charlotte, you simply look utterly_ _crushed_!**

She looked at her mother and forced herself the best that she could, to put a very bright smile on her lips while putting her letter in the pocket of her dress. 

-**_Not crushed, mother!_ _But mostly very nostalgic of Sanditon. Mrs. Parker and her husband wishes us good health, while the children apparently terribly misses me._ **She quickly said while looking everywhere but in her mother’s eyes. Knowing that if she did she would have founded herself in a terrible position, as tears were tearing up in her eyes and any motherly instinct would pick up that something was wrong. 

No one seemed to be convinced of Charlotte, but no one picked it up either. There was this unspoken thing in the Heywood’s house since her coming back that no one shall ask any questions about her time in Sanditon, nor should they ask about her emotional state. It was clear to her family that Charlotte was in rather a great deal of pain, and should be left alone to deal with it. Unnecessary to any of them to wiggle into it, as she would certainly come back to herself soon enough.

Without saying anything else, she left the living room to the little office where they all kept the papers and ink they needed, while a beautiful bookcase was there on the wall, screaming at whoever would come in to pick up a book and read. 

But before she knew she was already sitting at the desk, a piece of paper between her fingers and a pencil ready to go. An ink drops grossly on the white paper as she froze. What was she supposed to answer?

Was she supposed to answer at all? 

But then, what else was she supposed to do? 

She picked up her pencil and started to write.

_ Mr. Parker, _

_ I cannot hide my surprise of finding this letter from you waiting for me in my home. But as much at it is incredibly inappropriate of you to write it in the first place, I must answer to you out of politeness, don’t I? I respect and most importantly understand the choices you have made in order to save those you love and the city of Sanditon, who has such a bright future ahead. Both of us know the potential of this city. _

_ There is no need to apologize anymore for your behaviour, mr.parker, as it was the one of the gentleman you have showed yourself to be, and I shan’t carry any anger towards you, nor towards your future wife.  _

_ You are lucky enough to be given a second chance with someone you care deeply about. If what you said was true and your feelings for her were not of date, please believe me as I say that true love never fades away and she shall find her way back in your heart way easily than you think.  _

_ The fling we shared this summer is a dear memory that I’ll hold close to me forever. Trust me when I say that the conclusion of it will not afraid me of exploring it again and it shan’t scare me from finding a husband.  _

_ I shall assure you, mr.parker, that I would rather never marry than to commit to a lifetime with a partner without love or affection. You do not need to worry about my wellbeing, and trust my judgment that I will find a man trustworthy of the woman I am and with whom I would like to spent the rest of my life. But as I told many time over the summer, I did not come to Sanditon in the optics of finding a husband, and now that I am home, am I still not looking for one. Only time will tell what happens to my marital status, but it certainly does not concern you, nor that it ever really did.  _

_ I wish for you a beautiful wedding day and i shall pray for the wellbeing of both you and your future wife, and wishes for a lifetime of happiness between the two of you. _

_ I hope you are well  _

_ Miss Charlotte Heywood  _

Charlotte dropped her pen and sighed loudly, her lips trembling softly as she looked at her answer. It felt so cold and posed, while she was feeling rather emotional and deeply hurt. Her heart ached and she had to hold the desk in front of her very firmly with her small hands. Eyes closed, she breathed, trying her very best not to make a mess out of herself. 

Miles away, days later, a very same distressed Mr.Parker would be reading the same letter. 

Sidney let down the letter on his desk, the tip of his finger burning from the thought that she had written him back. 

He had to let go of a sigh before brushing his tired face with his hands. He looked and felt completely exhausted, and had not been sleeping well for the past few months. The insomnia stronger than ever, the dreams, were more long and alive than anything before. He could feel her touch as if she was there with him and he had a very hard time realizing he was actually dreaming before waking up in complete panic.

The only hope in his life right now was Eliza’s wishes to marry in spring, and while he stayed in Sanditon, she had left to London. She was more fond of the city than everywhere else and couldn’t stand being a guest at the Parker’s house for too long, as she felt she had no privacy whatsoever. 

It made things easier for Sidney and he certainly did not complained as he left her in her carriage the day she left for the capital. She would write to him from time to time, telling him about normalities and wedding preparations, and he would answer politely and shortly. 

While Eliza founded the Parker’s house to crowded, Sidney on the other hand, felt utterly alone. No matter how loud the children would scream and laugh, how joyful his brother and wife would be, it felt as if a piece was missing in the household. 

After a while, he couldn’t stop himself from climbing the stairs to go to what used to be her room. He had already seen it, but never while she was visiting and not yet since she had left. He asked himself if it would smell like her, or if her presence would have had left after all these months. 

It was a bit of both,sadly enough, he couldn’t smell Charlotte’s perfume, neither on the sheets of the bed of in the air, but he could easily, oh so easily, imagine her moving in the room. He could see her in the bed, peacefully sleeping, just like he could see her on the desk, brushing her hair, or even by the window, reading a book. He closed his eyes and could almost see her appears. She would come right to him, smiling, and take his hand in hers. 

When he opened his eyes, his hand was empty but yet felt rather heavy, almost like it was missing something. Sidney let go of another sigh, and left the room, unsatisfied. 

_Nothing_, no dreams of his or trick of his imagination would ever compare to the presence and warmth of Charlotte herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where do you see the story go? I'm curious to know what ya'll think will happen :)


	4. Then I guess you must go to London.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which someone in the house finaly talk to Charlotte about her feelings.

-**_Charlotte, dear, you’ve received a letter from London!_** Exclaimed her mother with such surprise that even Charlotte herself felt it too.

She took the letter from her mother’s hand and smile as she saw the name written on it. News from Lady Susan were exactly what she needed to hear and she couldn’t stopped herself from smiling.

** _-It’s from Lady Susan! _ **Softly said Charlotte as she looked to the envelope. The letter felt heavy, at least two pages folded together. 

Exclamations came as the name of Lady Susan was mentioned. It wasn’t everyone, nor every day, that someone would received a letter from someone this high in society, and to think she had befriended Charlotte herself seemed like such a fairytale for her family.

-** _Charlotte rather has a lot of communication since being back from Sanditon, makes you wonders what type of adventure she went through, no? _ **Openly asked her sister Allison. 

No one cared to take on her comments, but both their father and mother gave her a meaningful look. Allison had been hard to content for some time, and her attitude towards Charlotte and Sanditon was far from being as comprehensive as everyone else.

** _ ** _"Why on earth would she keep us in ignorance as to what happened back there? If she have been hurt over there she shall never go back, ever! "_ ** _ **

While her family thought that leaving Charlotte space and time was the right thing to do, Allison seemed to be the only one who wanted to confront her. Not with any anger, jealousy or even curiosity, but purely out of love and sisterhood.

She felt as is her big sister had been hurt, and badly hurt as it seems, and she wanted to know what, or who, were responsible for the sadness of her sister. 

But neither mother or father would hear it. 

Charlotte left her family to go outside, her smile still there on her lips, as she kept looking at Susan’s letter. She opened it with excitement, wondering what did she had to say to her. 

_ My dear friend, _

_ It had been months now since the last time we have seen each other, and I shall ask of you that you forgive myself as I haven’t written to you until now. I thought that leaving you time and space would be good to you for some time and that you would initiate contact yourself. _

_ Never minds, I must write to you right now! I sent you this letter wondering how you are, if the pain you felt when you left sanditon was still in your heart and if so, is there anything I could do to ease it? _

_ Oh my! I have the most marvellous idea. You must come to me, in London, for the winter. I know you are not really fond of the city, but I shall show you all it’s glory and excitement. _

_ You will see how wonderful London can be when it’s finally winter time, and I shall take you to every diners, balls and parties I can, so that you can have the time of your life. _

_ Mind I tell you of all the dancing you would be doing, the intellectuals you’ll be meeting and the perfect gentleman you’ll encounter. _

_ Oh all the amusement and excitement an experience like this could be to you, and we could spent so much time together. I have one of the biggest library in the country at my dispositions and so would you! _

_ Please please, my dear friend, you must accept my invitation. _

_ May I reassure you by saying that while some people may be living in London, others are staying as far of the city as they can and you shan’t worry to see them. _

_ No need to hurt your heart more than necessary, Charlotte. But please, if you consider your time in Sanditon as an adventure, I can guarantee you that your time with me in London would be another one. _

_ I know how much you love new discoveries and knowledge, and we both know that you are destined for much more than what the countryside can give you. It may suffice to some, but not to you, not to someone of your nature, and it would be a great waste not to take this opportunity. _

_ My friend, please consider my invitation, and write to me as soon as possible with an answer. _

_ Susan _

Perplexed, Charlotte fixed the letter with some disappointment. Had she thought it would miraculously make her feel happy? Certainly not. But she had expected that news from her friend Susan would’ve made her feel at least better. And while she was glad she had wrote, Charlotte couldn’t lie to herself, her emotional state had not change at all. 

Without her knowing, her sister Allison had be watching her by the porch, waiting for her to finish reading. When her sister’s head went up and she heard her let go of a sigh, Allison opened the door quietly and went sit next to Charlotte. She took her hand, without saying a word, and looked at the horizon.

-** _Is there anything that can be done?_ ** Asked Allison after a while, tightening her fingers affectionately on her sister’s.

Charlotte finally looked at her baby sister, with whom she had been so close before leaving, and gave her a tired smile. 

** _-She’s inviting me to London for the winter_ **, whisper Charlotte.

Allison let go of a sigh and put her head on Charlotte’s shoulder. 

** _-The beau monde has hurt you, you shouldn't go back_ **.

Charlotte cannot stop a soft laugh from her mouth. ** _The beau monde had hurt me, yes, _ ** she thought to herself, ** _but yet it was so worthy._ **

** _ ** _-We have no idea of the reality of life until we leave the walls of this house, _**_**whispered the young girl to her sister.******_**_ I may have been hurt by this World, but so has everyone else. _ ** _ **

** _-Whatever happened, you do not need to go back to_ **, answered Allison, looking up. 

** _-I know you worry,_ ** smiled CHarlotte, ** _ i know everyone is worrying_ ** , she add, ** _but you must know that i do not regret my time in Sanditon, not one moment, not a single one hadn't thought me something in order to make me more sharp, more vigilante, smarter and stronger. _ **

** _-You were already all of those things_ **, affirmed Alli

** _-I left home with so much naivety_ ** , ** _Allison.Oh, how naive I was! _ ** She laugh and look to the sky. ** _My experience sharpened me into a woman,and it will do the same to you, you’ll see yourself when you’ll leave this house. _ **

** _\- Oh I mustn't_ ** , quickly said her young sister. ** _You seems so sad all the time, so changed! Why on earth would i want to risk my happiness for the real world?_ **

Confused, Charlotte frowned. She turn herself to her sister, taking both her hands between hers. Looking right into her eyes, Charlotte took a very serious voice and said : 

-** _You will go into this world, one day, and explore and discovers the ups and downs of it. You’ll meet people that will change your life, find love, lose it or whatever, but you will experience it, at a level or another. Allison you must trust me when I say that life outside of what we know is so exciting, so much more thrilling and challenging than anything you could ever imagine. _ **

Lost of words, Allison shuttered only this as a response :

** _ ** _\- Then I guess you must go to London._ ** _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh what will happen in London? Who will she meet? With whom Charlotte will dance? Is there any new friendship to be formed, is there any kiss to be stole? Hum, what do you guys think? (or what do you want? maybe you'll give me ideas !) thank you for your comments, they're all so kind :)


	5. You will be a warm memory to me, Mr.Parker, and I will cherish it in my heart for as long as I shall live.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we go deeper into Sidney's pain and Charlotte's decision to leave for London, while still holding back a few feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on developping Sidney and Georgiana's relationship as a write the next chapter. I really want them to be friends, to be ally in their situation.

It was decided that Charlotte would leave her family again in late November and spent the whole winter in London at Lady Susan’s domain. Charlotte’s parent were enthusiastic at the idea, determined that it would help their daughter get out of her actual state and bring some life back into her.

Charlotte, on the other hand, felt anxious at the idea of going to London for such a long time, her last adventure in the capital had been particularly unpleasant to her. However, she did start to gain more energy as time went by, and quickly enough excitement took place in her head at the optic of seeing Lady Susan again and the many promises she had made. 

Charlotte wondered what would happen to her while there and who would she meet. She tried her best to put the thought of Eliza Campion far in her brain, and on most day succeeded in ignoring her. 

She was slowly coming back to herself, smiling, laughing and talking more. There was always this particular pinch in her heart from time to time and she would zone out at certain moments, lost in her thoughts, but overall she was quite good. 

Her correspondence with Sidney Parker was put at term after her letter, from which he did not answered. Charlotte felt as if it was best like it, and tried her best to convinced herself that perhaps destiny existed and Sidney Parker and her were simply not meant to be. It was a sad thought to have, but it was necessary for her to keep going and not fall again into this numbing sadness she had been for the last months. 

She felt ready to write to Georgiana, and quickly enough the two girls were writing to each other every week. They would talk about a lot of things, as usual, but one of the main topics was unfortunately Mr. Parker. Her friend, who did not hold Sidney in her heart these days, tried with her best efforts to make Charlotte angry.

Georgiana stated that Charlotte was entitled to be mad, and that Sidney surely would deserve to be faced by burning anger if he was to be seen during her time in London.

Their mutual writing to one another made Charlotte wishes that she was coming back to Sanditon and Georgiana, her, wished she could be in London with Charlotte. She even dared to ask Sidney about it, but he was firmly opposed to.

- ** _How come? What have I ever done to deserve from you so much anger, Sidney Parker? Am I not the one who’s got so many reasons to hate you? _ ** She screamed in his face when he refused to talk about the possibility of them going to London.

- ** _You shall not go back to London, Georgiana, and that is final. _ ** He had told her before storming out.

- ** _But she’ll be there! _ ** She said with complaint, hoping he would bite.

And bite,oh did he…

- ** _Who are you talking about?_ ** Said Sidney as he came back in the room, his hands hiding behind his back, his eyes coldly fixed on Georgiana. 

- ** _Charlotte has been invited by lady Susan to spent the winter in London, _ ** said his pupil with a sneering look. She knew what she was doing, and Sidney Parker knew ittoo. The question was whether or not he would bite on it and go with it.

For a quick moment, Georgiana felt the victory through her veins as his look seemed less hard. Sadly for her, his eyes went cold faster than she would've thought.

- ** _If you care so much about Miss Heywood, Georgiana, may I suggest a pen and a paper? _ ** He coldly stated while standing in front of her. His posture was big, and if Georgiana had been another girl, she would’ve felt intimidated, maybe even scared, by the stature of this man. 

But Georgiana Lamb was not known for being easily scared, far from that.

- ** _ And may I suggest you stop being a coward and stop writing pathetic letters that you never sent anyway? _ ** she said before storming out of the room fast enough to not let him the time to react.

And even if he did have the time, Sidney Parker was standing still in the room moments after Georgiana had left. His hands crushing each other in his back, his head tilts to the side, he was looking at nothing especially. Frozen from the comment of his pupil, taken aback by the knowledge of Charlotte’s next adventure, he felt out of place. 

Sidney Parker needed a drink. 

So this is exactly what he got himself in the local pub. He drank until the sun came down, and kept drinking until he woke up, his face lying on the bar the next day. He realizes that drunk Sidney did not dream of Charlotte Heywood, and that if he did, he was not able to remember it. 

The next day, he came back to the pub and drank himself until he was kicked out for fighting. Stumbling, he went back home and fell on his bed face first. That night, Charlotte was not in his dreams. 

Even if he would wake up with the most terrible headaches of his life, the need to be sick, he kept going on this ritual day after days. 

** _I cannot dream of her, _ ** he kept telling himself,  ** _I cannot see her in my dreams. _ **

He withdrew himself from sending any letters to Charlotte, but kept writing them. Soon enough, he spent his day recovering from his nights of unceasing writing and drinking. His behaviour left his brother Tom more than perplexed and Mary, who knew all along the reasons of his despair, couldn’t explain to his husbands how the mistakes he had made had ruined the life of his little brother. Never in a million year could she justify Sidney’s drinking to Tom, or to anyone, by explaining how desperate he was from being engaged to the wrong woman, while loving someone else. How bad would Charlotte’s reputation look, how humiliated would Eliza be and how much Sidney would be made fun of and taken in pity… No, she had to force herself to keep the truth to her, and her only.

Georgiana, on the other hand, could not, and would certainly not, keep her thoughts to herself. If she had unsolved quarrels with her guardian, she certainly did not want him to go into the path of self destruction and alcoholism. After some hesitations, she wrote to her friend about the current situation in sanditon, and while normally she would have encouraged her to ignore Mr. Parker as much as she could to drive him crazy, she suggested to her that she could write to him. 

As of Charlotte, it’s with a heavy heart that she heard the condition of Sidney. She had to forced herself not to cry, and did not hesitated to pick up a pen and started writing. 

_ Mr. Sidney Parker, _

_ I know how impertinent and irresponsible for me to be writing this letter, but as I have been made aware of your particular situation in Sanditon, I simply cannot stop myself and ignore what is happening. _

_ I will not lie to you,Mr.Parker, and tell you that these past few months have been easy for me. far from that, I had found myself in a great deal of pain for weeks going and it felt as though it would never stop. _

_ I cannot say that those feelings have completely left me, but rather that I have found a just balance between complete despair and peace of mind. The memories that i have of you will follow me forever, and I shall hold them close to my heart all my life.  _

_ I wish you could do the same, mr.Parker, and leave the attraction between us as what it simply was, and move on. I wish you would stop torturing yourself, as I have stop torturing me, and accept the actions and choices you have made in order to save your family and the city of Sanditon. One thing for sure, is that I, for one, admire your courage and strength in our situation where you have chose true love, family, over me. In the heat of the moment, I doubt I would’ve been able to do so.  _

_ As though a part of myself wishes things ended differently, they are the way that they are and we must do the best we can with them. You will be a warm memory to me, mr.Parker, and I will cherish it in my heart for as long as I shall live.  _

_ In hope that you find happiness in your old love and grow a new, stronger one with her, I will pray, as you commit yourself to God, that you both shall live happily together, side by side.  _

_ Miss Charlotte Heywood. _

it took a couple of days before she received an answer. It was rather an note than a letter, and it was written on a yellow sheet, stinking of alcohol and sticky from it.

_ How can I swear in front of God to love a woman when I am completely devoted to another one ? _

It left Charlotte in complete shock, surprised by the honesty and sensuality of the note, But mostly, she was shocked of herself to even be considering going to Sanditon to be with him, right now. How shocking was this note. Charlotte took her time to hide it under the mattress of her bed, unable to convinced herself to burn it. 

She knew she would have to take it with her when she would leave for London in a week, or else it would certainly fall between the hands of one of her siblings, or worst, her mother. 

When she slept that night, it felt as if the mattress was burning under her body, and as she closed her eyes, she could almost feel his hands on her neck and his lips on hers. 


	6. It always would come back to this place, wouldn’t it? Was she even alive before her summer there?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Charlotte is confronted to her situation, again, and decides to change her view on her upcoming trip to London.

Charlotte felt panic go through her veins when she saw Allison standing in front of her bed, a piece of paper laying on it.

-**_Charlotte, tell me you did not answers those letter_**, begged her sister.

All she could answer was a gulp while shame went all over her body.

**_\- You did?_ **Said Allison, disgust and disappointment visible in her voice.

**_-It’s complicated, tried to explain Charlotte, but her sister stopped her from doing so. _ **

** _ ** _-What have you done with this man, Charlotte? _ ** She asked, one letter crushed in her hand. _ **

** _ ** _-Nothing! Nothing, I swear to you, Allison. _ ** Tears were coming in both of the Heywood’s sisters. _ **

** _ ** _-If it had fallen between the wrong hands, oh! _ ** She closed her eyes with anger, ** _Do you have any ideas how ruined you would be? _ ** _ **

Charlotte stayed still in from her sister, her arms at her side. Her breathing was very loud and she had to look behind her to be sure no one else was there. 

** _ ** _-I… he… we… we could’ve… but… _ ** No complete sentences came from Charlotte. _ **

** _ ** _\- This is the man who broke your heart, is it not?_ ** _ **

** _-It wasn’t like that, tried to explain Charlotte. Events happened and he had to make… he had to make a choice. She lifted up one of her hand in direction of the letter her sister was still holding. But Allison stepped back, the piece of paper still in hand. _ **

** _ ** _-Any man that does not choose you, doesn’t deserves you. Burn those letters. _ ** Ordered her sister _ **

She looked at her like she was crazy. Burning them? Burning the letters, but for what? What good would it do? Burning them would be like burning herself. She couldn’t do that. 

** _ ** _-If you dont, I will. _ ** Said menacingly Allison,like a warning. _ **

Suddenly, her face became strict. With a fierce look, she took her letters in Allison’s hand and grabbed her wrist, not violently, not to hurt, but strongly enough to surprise her young sister. 

** _-I get to decide who deserves my attention and who does not, she shake the letters as an affirmation, and no one, not even you, can determinate what I can and cannot do. _ **

She let go of Allison’s arm and walk past her, took the remaining papers on the bed and put them in her baggage near them. She was leaving for London the next morning, and had decided that if this world had hurt her before, she would certainly _ not _ be his victim again. Charlotte then turns to her sister, who had tears in her eyes as she watched her.

** _ ** _-He did not choose me, and that is up to me on how I shall react to this situation, _ ** she walked to Allison who didn’t moved. ** _There is no anger in my heart, not towards him. _ ** _ **

** _ ** _-If It were to be told that you were… writing with an engaged man, oh! Charlotte! _ ** Exclaimed the young girl, her hands in front of her eyes, hiding. _ **

Charlotte took her sister’s hand in hers, with a much more warming look. 

** _ ** _-You do not need to worry. I know you do, _ ** she sighed, ** _you certainly more than anyone else in this house, _ ** added Charlotte, ** _but if you must know, there has been no more correspondence between me and this man since. _ ** She smiled sadly. _ **

** _ ** _-But you wishes there was, _ ** simply said Allison. _ **

** _ ** _-I would have married that man, _ ** _ whispered so softly Charlotte that it was almost like she didn’t said anything. _ _ **

** _ ** _-I worry about your happiness, my dear sister! _ ** _ **

Charlotte saw the crushed look on her little sister’s face and knew she had to hug her. She took Allison in a sisterly hug. 

** **-Worry about yours, Allison. Spending so much time worrying about everyone else is so exhausting. ** **

She didn’t say anything else and left the room, leaving her sister alone with her statement. 

But as Charlotte was walking down the stairs, she too started to wonder about what she had just said. 

She had always been worried about everyone, taking care of her siblings without any complaints, never asking for anything really. What was the last thing she had asked for herself? 

To go to Sanditon, obviously! It always would come back to this place, wouldn’t it? Did she even start to live before her summer there? She would think about the most challenged experiences she has ever done before, and it would always be about farm life, about the mundane life of her family. Even her first meeting with the Parker was more exciting than any public ball or hunting trip she had ever been to. 

Since she was born, Charlotte's life contented itself to be so, oh so ordinary. 

She was seeking for more, and London promised to be a very grand adventure, now she knew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you all think about Allison? Is she stepping the line with Charlotte or is she simply doing what any good sister would do - maybe both ?-


	7. but I don’t think my life would have any true worth if i didn’t do anything out of it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Charlotte finally leaves for London and Sidney is confronted to someone he does not wishes to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very very short chapter. lol sorry

The goodbyes between Charlotte and her family were warm and lovely, but not sad. Weirdly for everyone, it felt like Charlotte’s departure was the most natural thing, not because they didn’t want her at home, but more because she never really belonged in this lifestyle. Everyone could feel her deep desire for simply _more _out of life.

Both Father and Mother held their daughter tightly between their arms, both with pride and love. Everyone knew that Charlotte was made for new adventure, and it was after her time in Sanditon that they realized how she was perfect for the excitement and intrigue of high society. 

** _-You are so lucky, my dear Charlotte,s_** _aid her mother while cupping her face tenderly_ ** _,to have been gifted those opportunities that will lead you as far as you want. _ ** _She finished with a gentle kiss on her forehead and so did her father after hugging her. _

Charlotte said goodbye to her siblings and finished with the now eldest in the house, Allison. Her hands together, the two sisters looked at each other with love. 

** _-It terrifies me how willing you are to open yourself to the world, Charlotte. Specially after it had hurt you like it did. _** _Said Allison while holding back her tears. _

** _ ** _-There is nothing more terrifying than life itself, _ ** _** _she looked at their family then back at her_ **_, ** _but I don’t think my life would have any true worth if i didn’t do anything out of it. _ ** _ **

The two sisters ended up hugging tightly each other. 

Charlotte got into the carriage and felt weird. She gave a last look out of the window and wondered if she would come back one day. 

As her family waved her goodbye, they did it with the conviction that their Charlotte was now gone, and all of them secretly knew she would probably never come back to live with them. This time, none of her siblings, not even the youngest, ran after her carriage while she left.

Charlotte Heywood was not married, but it did felt as if she had engaged herself to something that would hold her back from their life. 

Miss Heywood seemed to be destined to be the bride of adventure.

Back in Sanditon, Sidney Parker situation was becoming more complicated as he was woken up that day by a feminine voice tinted with both surprise and anger.

-** _What on earth is happening here, Sidney? _ **Exclaimed Eliza while standing in front of him.

Sidney woke up quickly, half of his face feeling sticky by the alcohol on the counter of the bar. Surprised, he looked at his fiancée.

-** _Eliza, what are you doing here? _ **

-** _What do you mean, what am I doing here? We’re both engaged, Sidney, we cannot spent all this time separated, what would people think? _ **Exclaimed Eliza while looking around herself, as if there were anyone who actually cared how much time apart the young couple were spending.

Actually, there was someone, and it was Sidney Parker himself. ** _The least possible, please God! _ **He thought. 

His head was heavy and all the sounds of life around him were too loud. 

-** _I suppose you won’t like what I have to say, then. _ **Stated the drunk man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh what's happening? ;)  
Next chapter will be available very very soon hold on to it :)


	8. Was she chasing after lost dreams, desiring a man that was not there anymore?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sidney get's a new that makes him angry and Charlotte finally arrives in London

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure ya'll can see it, but it's starting to get less ''sad'' and more fun. Especially for Charlotte, while Sidney's mad

-**Antigua?** Angrily said Eliza while walking in the room. **You are leaving for ANTIGUA?**

The woman standing in front of Mr.Parker was clearly furious, which isn't something he had been used to. He had seen her angry over the years, of course, but it had been some time now. He looked at her in silence while she was storming in the room.. His hands on his hips, his head, feeling explosive, he had no wishes nor time to listen to her.

-**Yes, Eliza, Antigua. I have received many letters now about my business on the island that I must attend to.** He said, not elaborating about those business matters , as he was sure she did not cared anyways.

-**Must attend to? What about the wedding you are supposed to attend to?** **Not only do you have to take me across the world for money, you want me to have a wedding in the_ winter?_** Screamed Eliza, disgust in her voice. Sidney smiled with irony, which only made her even more mad.

-**Eliza, we cannot get married until I come back. **

-**Until YOU come back?** **Are you saying you are not taking me with you?** She said with a weird voice. Was it satisfaction? Surprise? Bit of both?

-**Women aren’t allowed on those ships, Eliza. The sailors ought to think you are… bad luck.** He said shyly.

-**And what about mariage? **She stop in front of him, both her hands on her hips.** Why can’t you marry me before you go?**

-** If something happens to me, I would leave you a widow.** he blantly said. She looked at him with anger while he looked at her with indifference.

He started to analyse her, really look at her as a woman. She didn't look any different than ten years before, her eyes were still the same blue, her hair, beautiful blond. Overall, Eliza was still as beautiful as she was when they were younger. **_Then why am I not feeling it anymore?_ **He asked himself.

But he already knew the answer. If he had loved Eliza ten years before, he, on the other, had changed. Over the years, he had matured and changed as a man, and what he used to love in her didn't mean anything anymore.

The only woman who remained relevant to him was Charlotte Heywood.

He let go of a sigh.

\- **Eliza, we are not getting married. **

-**Not until you come back**, added the women with exasperation.

Why did she want to be with him? How could she not see the unhappiness they were putting both of themselves in? Did she know he would never love her, and did she knew she would spend the rest of their lives resenting him for not doing so? Was Eliza, holding hold to a past she had let go off? Was she chasing after lost dreams, desiring a man that was not there anymore?

-**Yes,** he said sadly, **not until I am back. **

Charlotte got out of the carriage completely amazed by her view. Ever since she had arrived in London, her head has been outside of the window, impressed by the city. How different London was from that fastidious night!

-**Charlotte! At last!** Exclaimed Lady Susan, walking down the stairs, her arms up in a hug.

-**Susan!** Happily answered Charlotte, hugging her friend back. She still couldn’t stop looking around her, and Lady Susan laughed at her credulous eyes.

-**Ah! You’ll love your time in London, I can feel it!** Predicted her friend, arms under arms, while walking towards the entrance of the domain.

Lady Susan was speaking with such a sure voice that Charlotte couldn’t help herself and got up into this optimism that emanates from her friend.

-**Very much indeed, i think it’ll be quite the adventure**!

Charlotte kept in mind her last words to her little sister, Allison. She wanted her life to have a meaning, a purpose. She was seeking for more than the mundane life of her parents, and she did not want to settle down into a loveless marriage like most of her siblings would. Maybe Charlotte was holding onto dreams, maybe she was wishing for a life that didn’t exist. Worst, maybe she was chasing a man that she had already lost. No matter what, Miss Heywood would certainly not let go of this dream of hers, and she would fight for the life that she wants, and she intended to live it the way she wanted to.

-**I have a condition to your departure for Antigua**, coldly said Eliza.

-**A condition?** He asked, curious and worried at the same time.

-**If you want me to marry you, you’ll come to London this winter to spent the season with me**, **as the engaged couple we are**. She said with a victory look.

-**Why do you care so much, Eliza, that people knows that you and I are engaged?** He was starting to get angry.

-**Because I want everyone in London to knows we belong to each other,** she took his hands, **if I am the one saving this city your brother loves so much, I shall have what I want, don’t you agree?**

Sidney was now angry. He was mad to be engaged to her, he was angry against his brother, who messed up so badly, and he was so furious simply thinking about the city of London. He snap his fingers out of Eliza’s and look over her, eyes cold and angry.

-**If you want London, you shall have London. **

Eliza breathed a **perfect**, then left the room.

What Sidney did not see was the satisfied smile on his fiancée face as she exited. After all, the big talks in London right now have been indeed that Lady Susan was expecting a very young lady to her house. Eliza was far from being stupid, and she could not wait to parade with him on her side in front of her. She finally had all what she wanted, money and Sidney, and she was tired of those talking about old love and her marrying richer. Even if she did leave Sidney for a wealthier man, she wanted people to know that she still wanted him, even after all this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Charlotte has tasted freedom once and she is craving it right now, she wont always be like ''that'' but we'll see her do and say things that will be quite surprising for The beau monde !  
2\. Eliza's not a bitch, you'll see later on. I don't want her to be the mean girl of the story.  
3\. Do ya'll still like it? :)


	9. Women can bring men to their knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our characters finally reunite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really busy with school right now so i'm not writing as much as i would like to but we'll take what we have, right?

It had only been a week since Charlotte arrived in London and she was exhausted already! Susan was taking her on daily adventures from the moment they were up until far after the sun was down.

  
They went to the markets, amongst everyone else, even if they didn’t walk in the filthy streets, which Charlotte was more than happy, she did not miss for a second every little excitement of the city.

They went to coffee houses where they had the privilege to taste not only coffée, but new exotic fruits such as bananas and pineapples. Charlotte abstained herself from speaking up about her last experience with the particular fruit and was rather very much pleased, and certainly relieved, to see the fruit looking so juicy and yellow. On one special occasion, Lady Susan was introduced to something called chocolate, and the two women couldn't hide the bitterness of the product after tasting it.

-** I could not dare tell this poor man that this thing he had the audacity to call a sweet was so bitter on my tongue!** Laughed Lady Susan as they walked to their carriage.

The two giggled like teenaged girls.

-**He looked so proud of his product, Susan, I think you would have broken his heart!** Exclaimed Charlotte, her hand on her mouth as she was laughing.

When they arrived back home, a letter came for the woman of the house. 

**-Oh my, Charlotte! It seems like we’re going out tonight!**

-**Is it for another sweet tasting, Susan?** jokingly said Charlotte.

-**For a small reunion with friends, actually. You’ll see, there will be tons of people who will blow your mind!**

Charlotte couldn't stop herself from smiling. This day had been so good to her and she couldn't see tonight as nothing else but a very exciting and fun night ahead. She giggled, wondering what she would wear. It seems like she was going out tonight!

Sidney Parker arrived in London the day before, to his great disappointment. Has the situation been different, his stay in the capital would have been a pleasure, as he sure does love the city, especially at this time of the year. Only, the two women of his life were here, and both of their presence were causing him great pain.

Hasn't he been the trophy at Eliza’s arm, because yes, he could tell, he wouldn't have been so distant with everyone. Had he had been with Charlotte, he wouldn’t have looked around him, looking to see if he would see her, ever since he stepped into town.

Eliza was walking with her head high, proud of herself. Sidney looked like he had a hangover and ready to punch someone in the face.

The truth being that both Eliza and Sidney were in a state of anger, only there was one of them able to hide it better than the other.

-**We are going out, tonight.** Simply said Eliza. **There’s a soirée with some of my friends and people you surely know, it’ll be interesting.**

Sidney growled, unhappy.

-**Is it really necessary that I come? Your noble friends are not who I would like to see,** he said.

-**_Oh, I know who you would like to see,_ **she hissed under her breath before saying out loud, **There is influential people that will be there, Sidney, what kind of business man would spit on such an opportunity?**

She left without giving him any chances to talk. It seemed that Sidney Parker was going out tonight.

****   
**-Miss Heywood, what is your father’s position in society? ** **   
**

The question arises from a certain gentleman, that she had not yet remembered his name. He was holding a glass of wine firmly in between his hands. Charlotte thought to herself that the man was perhaps having too much fun with the wine and didn’t make any fuss out of his question, but stayed on her guards.

**-He owns a small estate, simply said Charlotte, preparing herself for the comments coming to her. **

** -**And how did he make it possible for you to be here, tonight? What connections a man like your father has to be acquainted with Lady Susan?** **

At first, Charlotte was surprised. She was expecting questions about the insufficiency of her father’s wealth and her need to marry rich, not comments as to how she met Susan. **   
** ****

**-I’m not quite sure what you mean by that, sir…?**

** **-George Spencer, Earl Spencer. ** **

**-Well, Lord Spencer, I do not know what assumptions you have made about me, or my family, but my father has nothing to do with my friendship with Lady Susan. In fact, it was a complete accident that it happened in the first place. **

** **-Please do tell, ** said another man.  **

** **-Well, ** she was surprised, ** well it actually started when i met a gentleman and his wife, mr and mrs. Parker, from Sanditon. I rescued them with my sibling when they suffered from a carriage accident near my home, and to put it simply, they invited me to come spent the summer in Sanditon with them. It is while my time there that I came to meet Lady Susan.** **

** **-I have heard indeed of this place, apparently, it is quite beautiful.** **

** **   
** ** ** **-It definitetly is! ** Affirmed Charlotte with enthusiasm **

** **-Ah! But there’s no place like London, isnt it? ** **

Charlotte’s smile froze as she heard Eliza’s voice behind her. She did not look in her direction, scared of what emotions it would bring up. She was only starting to have fun, something she had not experience ever since she had left Sanditon, and this particular voice represented a threat to that peace of mind she had achieved. 

**-Eliza! What a delight! Said the man. Mr.Parker, he added politetly. **

She felt an ache in her heart. He was there too. Of course he was. Where else would he be if not with his future wife?Charlotte gathered up the courage she had left and put on a brave face, not showing any emotions, especially those of sadness or anger she was feeling. I must look indifferent she told herself.

**-Miss Heywood! My, you’re becoming quite the adventurer, haven't you? Said Eliza, her hand on his arms possessively.**

Charlotte only could look at her. She couldn't answer anything, as she didn't know what to say. 

**-Have you two met? Asked the Earl, a bit surprised. **

  
Charlotte answered before Eliza could,  **Yes, we’ve met in Sanditon, actually. At the regatta organized by Mr.Parker’s brother.**

Finally, her eyes met his. As their eyes met one another, she felt her heart become heavy, and breathing was suddenly very difficult. How changed, and oh so the same, was he! He was looking at her with what seems to her an indifferent look.

**-Mr. Parker**

  
She then proceeded to look around for Susan.  _ Come and save me, please!  _ But Susan was nowhere near them and Charlotte knew she had no reasons whatsoever to leave.

The ease with which he had asked her, not any sadness in his voice, only politeness. He did not smile, nor did he looked at her with any affection. It was a very strange thing for Charlotte to witness. Even at the Babington’s wedding, and at the Clift, she had felt his affection towards her.But now it was as if it was all gone, even like it never actually existed. 

**-Miss Heywood, I believe you are spending the winter with Lady Susan, is that right?**

The ease with which he had asked her, not any sadness in his voice, only politeness. He did not smile, nor did he looked at her with any affection. It was a very strange thing for Charlotte to witness. Even at the Babington’s wedding, and at the cliff, she had felt his affection towards her.But now it was as if it was all gone, even like it never actually existed.

**-Yes, exactly. **

She couldn't say anything else, her throat was closed up, and it was like there were not a single word that could ever get out.

**-Well, if that’s not fantastic for a young girl like you! Said Eliza, The world, open to you like that, not many women like you can have this opportunity!**

**-Great time and place to find a husband, for that matter! **Added Mr. Spencer, raising his glass in her direction, a smirk on his lips.

**-Oh, miss Heywood isn't looking for a husband, isn't it that right?**

Charlotte forced a smile on her face, quickly looked at Sidney, but it was so fast and subtle that no one really saw, and then found the strength to talk.

-**Indeed, Mrs. Campion. I have no desire whatsoever to find a husband or to marry, and I certainly did not come here in London with the intention of doing so.**

The old men around them all loudly laughed together at Charlotte’s answer. 

If Charlotte was strong enough to talk, Sidney, on the other hand, was way too angry to say anything. 

**-And what is it that you are _desiring, _miss Heywood? Said one of them. **

A valet was passing by at the same time and Charlotte took a a glass from his plate, immediately drinking the liquid. Apparently, wine was supposed to give you courage and strength, and Charlotte surely needed both to survive the situation she was in. 

-**Adventure**. She simply stated while the alcohol went into her system.

Her eyes met with Sidney, who didn't let go of her gaze. Everyone around them was laughing at her answer, debating whether or not women should be choosing _adventure_ against marriage. Charlotte and Sidney were both fixing each other in complete silence. He was the first to break the eye contact, to smile to those men as he finally said something.

-**I personally think that Miss. Heywood is still young, and she has still very much time to find a husband. **

-**But who would want a wife whose seeking for… adventure? Said one old lord, It isn't proper for a woman to desire anything else than what she deserves.** He was becoming more and more loud,** What else, after that? Are we letting women do businesses with the men? Nah, women belong in a home, with a man, nurturing children. **He stated with a laugh.

Both Charlotte and Eliza seemed to be disgusted and disappointed with such statement.

**-If you excuse me, calmly said Charlotte, I need some fresh air. **

She then proceeds to leave and was quickly followed by someone. Hope in her heart, she turned around.

**-Those old men really should learn when not to talk. **

Uncomfortable, Charlotte stood there in silence. 

**-After all, women _can _do business, and they can be incredibly good at it. **

** Again, Charlotte didnt say anything. **

**-And I think both of us know how powerfull one women can be, don’t you agree? **

** **-I supposed, ** she managed to say. **

** **-You ** ** _supposed_ ** **? Oh my, Miss Heywood, you really are naive… ** **

Eliza then proceeded to put a string of Charlotte’s hair behind her ear.

**-Women can bring men to their knees, she whispered, in every posssible ways there is, she added. **

Charlotte’s hands were shaking from anger. 

**   
**-I hope you enjoy your stay in London, ** said Eliza before leaving her alone.  **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More interactions between Charlotte x Sidney to come and i cannot wait to write it it's becoming really nice :)


	10. she did not want to spend any more time crying and being sad over anyone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our dear charlotte is torn between two choices : face her reality or hold tight to the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short and sweet

It had been a week now since Charlotte had this bitter conversation with Eliza Campion. Charlotte was annoyed by it, but knew she had to hold it back. There were no reasons to let this sick game of Eliza affect her, and she did not want to spend any more time crying and being sad over anyone.

If Eliza wanted to brag about Sidney, let.her.brag.

With this new optimistic state of mind, she decided not to tell Susan about her chat with Mrs Campion the other night. 

But if she succeeds at the task when the sun was up, it was as soon as she was in bed that it became difficult. Charlotte was in a situation where a part of herself was being strong, confident and eager for independence while the other part of herself was only wondering: 

** _Is he happy with her? Did they fell in love again, am i the only one still feeling the way that i do?_ **

her heart was beating fast in her chest when his letter came to her mind. 

«There is no words enough to explain the anger and disappointment I feel about our situation, and how much I wish things ended differently.» 

Did he still feel the same, was he still disappointed in their ending? Or had he accepted his fate? 

«Because miss Heywood, I was ready to lay down my heart to you without any shame»

  
  
«How can I swear in front of God to love a woman when I am completely devoted to another one ?»

How could he have written words like those and not meant them? And if he had, how could he have been over them now? Charlotte was feeling crushed at the idea that he had moved on and her not. 

One day, she was rather very childish and ready to beg for him to take her, while there were others days when she understood the gravity of Sidney’s situation. At night, she would dream of him and at day, she would occupy her mind the best way she could in order not to think about Sydney Parker, Eliza Campion or their upcoming marriage. 

Charlotte was feeling trapped in London and quickly realized there weren't any places now where she would feel at peace. Back home, her family was walking on egg shells and waiting for her to explode, Sanditon was bringing back too many hurtful memories and London was his city, to him and Eliza. 

A week after that ball, she woke up determinate. 

That was now enough. No older men would insult her and her family wealth, she would not allow Eliza Campion to intimidate her and make her feel belittle, and she would **not** hold herself back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapters will be longer and more interresting i promise


	11. She looked at his chin, then lips, and the memory of them kissing each other appeared.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get to see Charlotte and Sidney together... alone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff and angst for ya'll, hope you like it.

There she was again, in this beautiful house, with this wonderful music and all of those rich and interesting people. Charlotte was wearing a light pink dress, a new one that Susan had bought as a gift. She was delighted with the gift and so grateful for Susan’s friendship.

It wasn't until later, when the party was long started, that he arrived.

And there she was, dancing with that stranger, looking this delectable. As soon as he got in, he forgot that Eliza was on his arm and couldn’t take his eyes off Charlotte on the dance floor. 

Some rebellious hair had fallen down on her face and she was smiling and giggling innocently. 

In Sidney’s eyes, she looked like an angel.

He remembered the two dances he had shared with Charlotte, particularly the last one, and his heart skipped a beat.

«** _You’ll never get that again_ **» he heard his own voice say in his head. 

Sidney had to forcefully bring his eyes to Eliza to stop himself from fixing Charlotte. His fiancée had yet realized that her man was admiring another woman.

No, Eliza didn't see anything. In fact, she was far more too joyful to her situation to be worried about anything else. On a daily basis, she would happily sigh to herself, pleased with her reality. Finally, she was rich enough to not depend on anyone, she was safe from doing whatever she ever desired to, and finally, she had the man of her dream. Things had started badly, but now was their second chances. She knew that Sidney was still holding back, she had indeed hurt him 10 years ago, but Eliza knew deep down that he would come around soon enough. 

After all, Sidney wasn't stupid enough to let go of his true love, she would tell herself. 

Charlotte was dancing with a duke, a charming man, who danced marvellously. It wasn't a closed dance, but rather a very festive one, leading them to laugh and talk while doing it. I wasn't until the end that she got a glimpse of them. 

Eliza was wearing a dark green dress that fit perfectly with her hair. Charlotte had to admit it, the woman at Sidney’s side was extremely elegant…

She thanked her dance partner before leaving, looking around for Susan. Clumsily, she walked into someone. 

**-Miss Heywood! **

Lord Babington was standing in front of her, all smiles. 

**-Lord Babington! **

**-I heard you were in London for the winter, is that right?**

**-You would be perfectly right, indee... Where’s Mrs.Babington? **

The lord’s smile got even bigger at the mention of his wife, and he turned around to see her walking towards them, a glass in hand. 

**-Miss Heywood… **

Uncomfortable, Charlotte smiled to the new lady in front of her. Their past interaction had been bumpy, and even if she had assisted happily to the wedding, Charlotte couldn't say Esther really was a friend. 

**-I’ll leave you two ladies, **said her husband before leaving, completely unaware of the coldness between the women.

An awkward silence and avoided eye contacts, Charlotte took one of the glasses on the plate and took a sip.

**-Oh, if you want to survive an entire winter in this place, you’ll need more than a sip! **Commented Esther, taking one glass and leaving another empty.

Charlotte couldn't stop her brows to frown,** Don’t you like London life, Mrs. Babington? **she asked. 

**-Oh for sure, I sure do love all of those old men that think for sure that i’m an ignorant child and I surely adore the wonderful women of high society with their gossip and prejudices, they’re a delight! **Sarcastically snapped the young woman. 

Charlotte was surprised by this outburst, and so seemed to be Esther. 

**-Surely there are people in this city with whom you share common interests... **suggested her.

**\- I am utterly alone, miss Heywood, **confessed Esther before leaving her by herself.

Charlotte took a sip, then drank all the wine in her glass in one shot. If she was destined to nights like those for the rest of the year, she would definitely need more than a sip of her drink.

She spent the rest of the night wandering around the house, a drink in hands while trying her best to avoid people as much as she could. She was more and more influenced by the alcohol and felt incredibly light. 

Esther spent the night either alone by herself or dancing with her husband, which happened to be the best part of the party, until he had to leave her to go talk to business partners. But overall, she was not having the best time.

Eliza, on the other hand, spent the entire night smiling, following Sidney around and showing him off. When she would look at Sidney, she would see in him everything she wanted before and left behind. She thought of their time spent together, of their nights and stolen kisses, and she felt this warm and peaceful feeling in her heart. 

She saw Miss. Heywood, one or two times, walking around, smiling to people, a glass of wine in her hand. Eliza wondered about her relationship with Sidney, about the possibility that something might have happened between them, but she quickly came back to her senses. No, nothing could’ve happened. Charlotte Heywood was a farmer’s girl, far too innocent and naive to do anything out of marriage. And Sidney wouldn’t dare to touch her anyways. 

And if Eliza knew for sure that miss Heywood had some sorts of feeling for Sidney, she was certain that they weren’t reciprocated. Maybe had he some stupid crush, she was indeed very beautiful, but Eliza couldn’t dare to imagine that Sidney was feeling any complex feeling for the young girl. No, never… He had a physical attraction to the girl, and he was having a hard time recovering from it, probably because he did not get what he wanted out of it, and Eliza knew that as soon as the two of them would be married, Charlotte would leave the Sidney’s mind. 

The two women he ever loved were both in the same city, the exact same place and it was an excruciating experience to go through for Sidney Parker. He had spent the entire night looking for Charlotte, but she was nowhere to be found. Sometime, he would get a glimpse of her from across the room, but it wasn't until by the end of the night, when he thought she had left, that he got a clear look at her. 

She was walking by herself, her cheeks were a soft pink and her lips were looking luscious. She stopped in front of a door, the one leading to the library, and then got in. Claiming to go find a drink, Sidney left Eliza and her friends. He did not took the same door as Charlotte but another one, so that no one would say that both of them were in there.He just wanted a moment with her, to hear her talk, to listen to her voice. One moment before leaving again, before going back to Eliza. 

The door closed behind him and made her jump.

-**Pardon me**, he whispered.

With a hiccup, Charlotte turned around to face him. She had drunk a few glasses of wine by now and was feeling tipsy.

-**Mr. Parker**, she gasped involuntarily.

They stood in front of each other in complete silence for a hot minute. Both of them could feel the tension, and both of them acted like it wasn't there.

-**I hope you are well, miss Heywood…** He asked, taking a step.

**I am not**, she wanted to scream, **I cannot bare to look at her with you. All I can think of right now is you with her, and it is driving me mad!** She only had the strength to nod that yes, she was indeed very well. She didn't give him an answer, as she feared she would admit the stupid thoughts in her mind.

As if they were dancing, both of them took a step, him forwards and she towards the desk behind her. 

-**I hope Sanditon is rebuilding quickly**. She couldn't, even if she wanted to, take her eyes off his.

She looked at his chin, then lips, and the memory of them kissing each other appeared.

**-Sanditon surely misses you**. 

He started to play with his hand, nervously. **_Oh, the thing he could do with these hands…_** Charlotte couldn't stop a longing sigh out of her mouth. As she did, Sidney’s eyes quickly went to her lips, his eyes darkened for a second with an emotion she couldn't recognize. 

-**Are you enjoying yourself tonight?** She asked, her eyes still fixed on his hands.

-**Are you?** He asked, without answering her question.

-**Not really,** she said with a half smile, bringing her look onto the floor. It was her turn to stressful play with her hands.

-**How come?** He takes another step, she stays still. 

She finally look at him again. **I simply am not in the mood for all of this**.

Sidney took another step, this time they were incredibly close, dangerously closed. Closed enough to hear perfectly their whispering, closed enough to touch one another only by lifting up an arm. 

**-I am sorry about that. He said, sadly.**

She looked up at him, confused. 

**-You don’t need to be sorry, Mr.Parker, I...**

**-Charlotte...** ****

He said her christian name so softly that she almost didn't hear it. Was it even real? ****

She found in his eyes a softness she had yet to see before. 

**Yes?** Her voice was a murmur more than anything else.

One of his hands went to her cheek. He pulled a loose string of hair behind her ear, and Charlotte felt shivers all over herself. She knew they weren't supposed to do this, he knew it too.

In the most natural way there is, his hand found its way to her back, his fingertips pressing on her spin and drawing gentle circles against it. 

Charlotte’s hand went to Sidney’s chest, and even she didn't know if it was to bring him closer, reject him or simply to keep her stable… a little bit of all?

-**Charlotte**, he said again.

The way he was saying her name, like a prayer. It was hard for her to breath, they were so close and she was having such a hard time controlling herself.

Both of their faces were now incredibly closed, she could feel his breath on her and he could smell the perfume of her hair. The tip of their noses was touching, and Charlotte pulled him closer to her, their bodies were now curving into the other’s. She was completely intoxicated, by both the wine and his presence.

A hoarse whisper left her lips, **kiss me**, she begged him.

It was a slap in his face, a cold shower. She had asked him to kiss her, no, begged him to. An animal groan slipped out of his mouth with want and desire, but as much as he wanted it too happens, Sidney knew it couldn’t. He never should have come here...

A moment? How could he have been this stupid to think he would be able to keep his hands to himself? He took hold of both her hips and tried to push her away, and as he did she pulled him even closer to her. Another groan, this time a plaintive one. 

-**I want you to kiss me**, she murmured. Her voice was begging, her small, hands on his collar, pushing him closer to her.

Every time she moves her head to him, brushing her lips to his, he pushes her back. Finally, Sidney finds the strength and the courage to forcefully push her away and take a few steps. His hands are now burning, missing her, and she is standing still, clearly unsatisfied. She had drink a bit too much to be feeling guilty or ashamed, she was actually frustrated.

**-I don’t understand...she began, don’t you want to? **

**-My heart tells me to kiss you, but my head tells me not. **

**-Kiss me! she cried. **

Sidney’s hand went into a fist and he had to close his eye in order to control himself. Had he listened to her, he would be kissing her, hell he probably would be doing much more than kissing, right here and right now. But he could not do so. Not here, in this library, while others were dancing in the next room.

Not now, as she was clearly drunk and so was he.Not like that, in secret, while being engaged to someone else, unable to give Charlotte anything else but a stolen moment.

Not ever. 

** -**Please pardon me for my behaviour, miss Heywood, it was unacceptable**. **His voice wasn't even his, it was cold and blunt, delivering a message that he did not believe in. ****I can assure you it won’t happen ever again.****He promised her before turning away. She didn't say anything until he reached the door, his hand on the door handle.

** -**It is hard to move on from you when every time I close my eyes you’re there**, **she confessed. He did not answer. ****Please don’t go**, **she then begged.

Sidney closed his eyes in pain. He opened the door and left, as he knew it was the rational decision to make. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Esther finaly arrived in the story, yay! We also get to see a bit of Eliza thinking process, what she *thinks* is happening between Sidney and Charlotte, but we'll see it more in the next chapters! 
> 
> Also, the angst of that scene, am i right?


	12. Exactly where he belonged.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Charlotte's have a very interresting dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, full of smut, hope you like it!

It was a dangerous game they were playing, sneaking out when so many people could notice.

But both of them were craving for each other’s touch, so when she grabbed his wrist between her fingers to put them on her back, he let her do so. Quickly, hers went to his cheek and brought his face to hers. She kissed him, impatiently, as they were moving around, stumbling over things. He finally pulled her up and sat her down on the desk of the library. 

Her lips left his mouth and her lips went to his chin, then neck, while her hands were unbuttoning his shirt. He let go of a sigh and close his eyes.   
She took off his shirt only in a matter of seconds. 

-**Take off my dress**, she instructed him.

His hands, already on her back, then proceed to undo the laces of her corset, and it wasn't long until it was loose enough for her to jump on her feet and take it off. She felt both powerful and safe, naked in front of him. Fast enough, she took him by the neck and kissed him again on the lips. Her breasts came crashing on his chest, and both of them realized then how hot it was in the room. 

\- **We have to be quiet**, said Sidney, putting her back on the desk. **_You_ have to be quiet**, he then add.

-**Stop talking and kiss me**, she interrupted him.

She was longing for his touch and did not want to hear him tell her to be quiet. As if he wasn't the one responsible for her moaning and whimpers.

He obeys and kissed her, first gently while cupping her face, but the kiss becomes heated rapidly. Her fingers are on his pants and it doesn't take long before she put them down enough to let his ass and cock out. 

She spread her legs open to him and look at him with desire and anticipation. His hand on her hips, his lips on hers, she took his cock and directed him to her entrance. Sidney smiled and teased her, only putting his tips inside of her, leaving her incredibly frustrated. After a few times, Charlotte had enough of that sinful game of his, as it was driving her mad, and put him inside of her by pushing her legs around him. 

There he was, inside of her completely. Exactly where he belonged.

She gasped, suddenly inhaling with her mouth open, and he kissed her at the same moment. He started to move, at first slowly, but soon enough it wasnt bearable, neither for him or her, and he began to thrust into her more firmly.

Charlotte was moaning against his lips, her nails were digging into his shoulders. He grabbed her hair with one hand, opening her neck to him, and he started to kiss her skin. His thrust was now harder, and even he couldn't hold a groan or two.

Out of the two, it was Charlotte who couldn't control herself. She was near to climax and all you could hear in the room was the couple’s breathing and Charlotte’s panting. In order to keep her silenced, Sidney kissed her again, but she only ended up whimpering against his lips.

He was too near to cum, and broke the kiss to tell her to not make that much noise, but as he opened his mouth to talk, he felt her cum all over him.

She was trembling convulsively between his arms, her eyes were rolling back from pleasure and before he knew it, Sidney was cumming in her, groaning loudly as he could. When she opened her eyes again, Charlotte was panting on her bed, completely alone. 

She sat up in the bed, breathing heavily. What was that? She moves her legs and feel this dampness between her legs. Her head was pounding and all the memories of the night before came back to her. She had drunk too much wine and asked, no, begged him to kiss her. and he refused. Charlotte was feeling hurt, but most importantly, she was embarrassed. How... unlady like was it of her to act like that! 

She hadn't thought about her reputation, about _his_ reputation! She didn't care about his engagement to another woman, all she wanted what for him to touch her. 

Charlotte’s behaviour was unacceptable... And that dream! **_Oh god, that dream!_** How did her mind made up such a scenario? And why had her body reacted so vividly to this idea? If Charlotte could have been buried alive from the embarrassment, she would’ve. Never again would she be able to look at him, to look at Eliza in the eye after both that night and that dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also can I take a moment to thank ya'll for the kind and supportive comments you leave ? This is so nice and it encourage me so much :)


	13. Charlotte smiled, pleased to see her old friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Charlotte meets with an old friend and it does not end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! It's been a while, hasn't it? I have been through a writer's block, not gonna lie. College takes so much of my time, so does working and honestly, when I heard that Sanditon would not be back for a second season, I was a bit mad and I had no motivations whatsoever to write this story. But after a while, I thought that if we couldn't get a second season, that did not mean I couldn't write my own ending. If I didn't post, I still wrote a couple of things, a small draft of how I want to take this story further. It's going to be good :)

Charlotte had stayed at Susan’s house for about 2 and a half months now and she has had the best of time. She regularly wrote to her family, especially her sister Allison who kept writing to her personally. Her routine consisted of getting up in the morning, eat breakfast in Sudan’s company and then the two women would go off their ways.

Susan spent lots of time with her friends and family (as much as she loved Charlotte, it wouldn’t have been proper for her to be there with the royalty) Susan would also spend an important amount of time studying in the library with her best friend, the very charming Catherine, a Russian aristocrat who would come to London for time to time. She was a few years younger than Susan and only a year older than Charlotte, but the two ladies were very close and had a captivating correspondence.

Charlotte, on the other hand, often went on numerous walks in London by herself in her spare time. The snow had started to fall for a couple of days now and she was enjoying a lot of the beautiful view that offered the city all covered in snow. She even dared to go to the coffee shop by herself, knowing that’s lots of artists and thinkers we’re hanging out in those places.

Sometimes, someone would be painting, she saw a man writing poetry and a couple of gentlemen debating philosophy more than once. She had come to really love those moments. Charlotte was getting better days by days not to remind herself of that fatal night where she had… that dream… but most importantly, she was getting better at not thinking about Sidney Parker himself. She was quite proud of herself!

She was drinking a coffee while reading a new book when someone knocks on the window next to her. Surprised, she jumped on her seat and looked in the direction only to see a man running inside.

-**Miss Heywood!** Surprised, but more pleased, Charlotte got up.

-**Mr.Stringers!**

Her friend took off his cap, white by the snow, and looked at her all smiling.

-**I did not know you were in London! **

-**I didn't know you were!** She exclaimed.

After all, he had said he chose to stay in Sanditon, both to honor his father and finish the reconstruction. Charlotte happily sat down and offered him a sit by a show of hand.

-**Mr. Stringer, I thought you were staying in Sanditon?** She said. **Is there something wrong?** She added, worried.

-**I sure hope not, Miss Heywood.** He answered while pouring himself some coffee.

Charlotte was taken away by his answer.

-**What do you mean by that, you hope so? **

-**I listened to you, Miss Heywood!** He took a sip, made a bitter face but smiled at the lady in front of him. **It’s a shame, me not trying out this internship. **

-**But...What about honoring your father? **

-**I know we didn’t see eyes-to-eyes on this**, he let go of a sigh, **but he and I both know he didn’t raise me to give up.** **The Stringers aren’t cowards, Miss Heywood! **

Charlotte smiled, pleased to see her old friend so determinate.

-**Well, I sure hope you’ll succeed in your internship, Mr.Stringer. **

She took her cup of coffee and made a subtle toast before taking a sip joyfully. Jame’s eyes wandered to her hand quickly. He then looked away, and awkwardly said :

-**It has come to me, miss Heywood, that you didn’t marry after all… **

Charlotte looked at him, surprised.

-**I beg your pardon? **

-**Oh please, miss Heywood, excuse me… I can see that there’s no ring at your finger… **

-**I’ll let you know, Mr.Stringers, that it had never been said that I would get married, and… **

-**But it had been said unofficially, am I right? **

-**Even if it had, Mr.Stringer, I doubt it’s any of your business!** Charlotte’s voice was higher and caught the attention of some of the clients.

Mr.Hopper, the owner of the place, came to their tables.

-**Is this man troubling you, miss Heywood? **

-**He isn't, Mr.Hopper. He is actually leaving. **

-**Miss Heywood… **

-**Let me tell you one thing, Mr.Stringer, I did not come to London for assumptions to be made of me! **

-**This is not… **

-**Thought the lady’s said you were leaving, lad.** Said Mr.Hopper on a warning tone.

With a conflicted look in his eyes, James got up and gave one last look at Charlotte.

-**I guess I am**, he then said before finally leaving.

As James left, Charlotte let go of a sigh. It seems that as soon as she was finally able to keep Sidney Parker out of her mind, life would make sure he would be remembered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James might be gone for now but he will be back later in the story. I don't know how yet, but I really want him to be Charlotte's friends. She sure needs to have more friends. 
> 
> How do you see the next chapter going? I'm torn between a Sidney POV, a dream (whose dream is another issue) or maybe a chapter full of letters like in the first one? What do ya'll think? :)
> 
> also shoutout to Grammarly, that thing correct my writing for free and it's way better than reverso x)


	14. Nothing more was said, because nothing needed to be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we can get to know a bit more about Susan

Charlotte was walking outside the house, in Susan’s private garden. A little duvet of snow covered the way, but it didn’t bother her.

**-Charlotte! Susan called her, running in her direction. **

She smiled at her friend, lending a hand for her to take. 

**-Good afternoon, Susan. She said calmly.**

Susan grabbed her hand and squeezed it affectionately. 

**-Dear Charlotte, were you at the coffee house again? **

**-I was, indeed, replied the young girl**

**-How was it? **

Charlotte took a minute before saying : 

**-Met with James Stringer, actually. Did not end on a good term, I’m afraid. **

Susan looked surprised. 

**-How is that? **

**-The man talked about the, how to say, absence of a ring on my finger.**

**-That’s not very gentlemen-like! **

She rolled her eyes before saying 

**-No, it isn’t… Probably why I snapped at him and told him to leave. **

**-Good for you, Charlotte, good for you. **

Susan’s voice seemed a bit off. Charlotte glared at her and noticed that she was looking upset. 

**-You seem tensed, Susan. What is it? **

**-You can see through me so easily… She joked with a half-smile.**

**-Is it about your friend, lady Catherine? Has something happened?**

**-Something like that. Kate, I mean Catherine… Well, she’s leaving soon and it makes me… **

**-Sad? **

**-It makes me wonder when I will see her again, that all, stated Susan, she cannot come here very often, she then explained. **

Charlotte had seen as Catherine’s stayed here that the two women were very closed. The two of them would spend their time painting or read in each other’s company. They would stay up until late in the night, sitting in the library to talk. Obviously, none of them would make Charlotte’s feel left out and she would always be welcomed with them. 

**-The two of you seems awfully close, noted Charlotte. **

**-She’s a dear friend…she agreed,  we’ve known each other for quite a while and I care about her a lot. **

But as much as Susan’s would always include her, Charlotte knew the two of them liked their alone time. At the same time, Charlotte really liked spending her time at the coffee shop and walking in London, discovering the city by herself. It surely wasn’t something most single women would do, if they ever did, but she loved it very much.

**-it must be hard, caring so much about her, said Charlotte while observing Susan from the side, and not being able to see her as much as the two of you would like to…**

Susan didn’t say anything so Charlotte added : 

**-I’ve seen you and her…she began, your… Charlotte didn’t quite know how to say it, the friendship between the two of you, it’s a blessing. **

**-I wouldn’t change anything, Susan quickly said. **

She hugged her friend while walking and nothing more was said because nothing needed to be. Charlotte realized that she had befriended months ago more than a lady and that they shared so much together. Here they were, two women, walking down a snowy garden in London, both attached to someone they simply could not have, but were nonetheless unable to let go. 

Charlotte wished to talk about all of this with Susan, but she knew it wasn’t the right time. She simply hoped that she had made herself the clear ally that she was, and that when the time would be right, Susan would find in her a true friend in whom she could confide. 

**-My lady!**

A butler was walking towards us, a letter in his hand. 

**-What is it? **

**-There is a letter for you, my lady. He said while lending her the piece of paper. **

Susan opened the envelope and both her and charlotte read what seemed to be an invitation to dinner the same night. 

**-it seems odd that they are inviting you this late, isn’t it? **

**-It actually isn’t, it’s an invitation from Mr Roberts. She stated happily.  She lends back the letter to the man. They both start walking again. He is a very interesting man, she started to explain, he was in India for a while, and from what I had heard he was due to be back next week.**

**-It seems he is back early. **

**-It does. Oh, this is so exciting, Mr Roberts has so many stories to tell!**

Charlotte could clearly see the excitement coming back in her friend’s face, and couldn’t stop herself from feeling thrilled for her. 

**-Then we must get you ready!**

**-Oh, nonsense, you’ll be coming with me too. **

The excitement that was on Susan’s face seemed to freeze as she said that. 

**-Oh… She whispered.**

**-What it is? Ask Charlotte, suddenly frowning. **

Susan’s hesitated before saying : 

**-Mr Roberts, he is related to miss Eliza Campion, meaning she’ll be there with…. **

**-Mr Parker. She looked down.**

**-Exactly… Will you be alright? **

Charlotte lifts her head up and forced a smile. She couldn't tell Susan about last night, about that dream. She couldn’t tell her that she begged Sidney Parker to kiss her the last time she saw him and she could certainly not tell Susan how went her last conversation with Eliza Campion. If the time wasn't right to talk about Susan's relationship with Catherine, it certainly was not the right moment to talk about this. 

**-Of course, I will, I wouldn’t miss Mr Roberts’s stories for anything in the world.**

At the same moment, not far away in London, the coming back of Mr Robert was heard by someone else. Eliza was sitting in silence with her fiancée when she received the invitation. Although they were not living together, Eliza required of him to come to spend his spare time with her. And he did because he was in no mood to argue and had no good argument not to come. 

**-My great-uncle is back from India! My, we’re invited to a dinner tonight with his close friends. **

Sidney was sitting in the dining room, reading the journal when Eliza exclaimed the new. As he knew the man, he probably should have been excited about his return. Except that he was not. William Robert had always been very friendly with Sidney for as long as he was seeing Eliza. If her family seemed to approve the couple, her great-uncle had another opinion. 

**-Must we go tonight? After such a long trip, wouldn’t he want some calm and peace in his own home?**

Eliza looked at him dead in the eye, clearly upset. 

**-If he did, he certainly would not have invited us to his house. **

Sidney didn’t even look over his journal to look at her. He mumbled his answer. 

**-If you say so. **

Eliza sat down near him and said to the piece of paper that he was hiding behind. 

**-Why are you always like this? What is it with you, you used to be different. She tried to make her voice sound kind of playful, but really she was more hurt than anything. Had it been only a couple of years ago, in their private apartment in Paris (where they would escape for some alone time), never Sidney would have hidden behind the papers, never he would’ve talked to her with this coldness or made her feel this lack of connexion between the two of them that felt incredibly unnatural to her. **

**We haven’t been together for ten years, Eliza, I did not use to be different, I used to be younger. He said, clearly annoyed. **

Eliza was trying her best to contain her anger. 

**-It’s not...she sigh and closes her eyes, ever since the last summer you’ve spent in Sanditon… You’ve been… distant. **

**-That is simply not true, I…tried to argue Sidney. **

**-Want to sleep with the farmer girl! Snapped Eliza. Just say it, for god sakes. If she was trying to control her anger before, she wasn’t now. What is it with men? You did not get anything out of her and your ego can’t take it? Is that it? She needed to be mean to him, she was too much hurt not to be. **

Sidney threw away his journal and stood up so fast that it surprised Eliza. With his finger pointing at her he said coldly : 

**-Eliza, I am warning you, don’t ever talk about miss Heywood so disrespectfully again. **

If that kind of behaviour had scared other women before, it certainly did not do it on Eliza Campion. She got up, slowly, but with confidence, while maintaining eye contact with her fiancé. 

**-She’ll get married soon enough, she was talking calmly, no matter what shes says, I know she’s looking for someone. Eliza looked at Sidney from head-to-toes, I can see it in her eyes, that look. I’ve seen it before. She takes a pause. And before you know it, you and I will be married with children and she will be in another’s man bed on her honeymoon. She put a hand on his shoulder, don’t forget a welcome-back gift for my great-uncle! she whispered before walking away. Leaving Sidney alone in the dining room, with mixed emotions, mainly anger and sadness. **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make this chapter longer, although it already is, but I didn't know how to make it coherent. Next chapter will be a reunion one between Charlotte and Sidney ;) I know some of you have been waiting for it :)


	15. The night was young, and she was excited to see what it had to offers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the night only begins and we have yet seen anything interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short and boring chapter I'm sorry :( Nothing really happens, I just needed the characters to get together easily and quickly. Next chapter will be way, way, way more interesting, I promise.

Walking up the stairs of Mr Robert’s house, Charlotte could not stop herself to look all around. The hall was full of pieces of art, a majestic painting on the ceiling, picturing a representation of greek gods. Her astonished look made Susan laugh.

\- “Beautiful, isn’t it?’’

\- “This is flawless’’ said Charlotte with bright eyes.

-“Well, I don’t know about flawless’’ said a middle-aged man walking towards them, “But I sure try my best”.

Susan squealed, which surprised Charlotte, and literally jumped into the man’s arm.

-“My dear William! Oh, how I’ve missed you!

\- “Suzy dear!’’ said Mr Robert with enthusiasm.

This whole situation was so surprising to Charlotte. The two friends held each other for a long time, Susan’s face buried in his neck. Charlotte felt like she was witnessing something intimate. Trying to give them the intimacy they deserved, she started to look around. The sculpture of Greek goddesses alongside others, but made out of woods. The details were different, less realistic than the Greek one, but still beautiful.

\- « well, who do we have here? » asked Mr Robert, walking towards Charlotte with a giant smile. « who have you brought here, Susan? »

-« Good afternoon, sir. » said timidly Charlotte

-« This is a good friend of mine, Charlotte Heywood »

-« I see, Miss Heywood, that you are looking at my African statuette, »he said with interest in his voice.

-« African? I didn’t know Africans could make art! » she said with genuine surprise.

Her reaction made Mr Robert laugh, and Susan walk towards them with a smile.

-« Of course they can, every civilization can make art. » he pointed to the wooden figure « you see, this right here represent a Venus, symbol of femininity »

-« Did you went to Africa? »

-« Oh, not yet! This was a gift. But I’ve spent the last few years travelling in Asia, particularly in India. »

-«The place you’ve seen…» wondered Charlotte out lout. As she said this, the trio heard someone walking in their direction, coming from the front door.

-«Uncle Williams!» exclaimed Eliza, her arms open to hug him. She was so joyful and had such a bright and beautiful smile that it threw off Charlotte for a second. She had yet to see this side of Eliza Campion.

-«Lizzy, my love!» replied Williams with a loving voice. They too hugged, but certainly not for as long as Susan and him before.

But still, it was enough time for Charlotte to see _him_.

He was already looking her up and down before she was, which only made her feel more embarrassed. After all, the last time they had seen each other, she was a bit drunk and had asked him to kiss her out of passion. Had he said yes and she would feel completely different right now, but he did not. When their eyes finally locked, her breath was taken away.

Charlotte felt a twinge in her heart as she looked at him, with his indifferent look on his face and cold eyes. She, on the other hand, could not stop herself from staring at him with her big brown eyes.

-«Mr Parker, it is good to see you», said Williams.

Sidney took his eyes off Charlotte and offered the host a smile.

-«Mr Robert», he said with a dead voice, «Thank you for the invitation»

The atmosphere was heavy in the room. Two minutes ago, William was hugging and laughing, being a very bubbly person, but as soon as he saw Sidney Parker, his behaviour changed completely. The air was tensed for what seemed an eternity. Eliza was looking at her uncle then at Sidney, and so goes on. Susan was standing behind everyone, observing. As for our heroine, she was standing near both William and Sidney, unsure where to look. She could not stop herself but to take a glimpse at him every once in a while. He looked so tall and composed, no sparkles in his eyes whatsoever.

-« I will never forgive you for what you did, Sidney Parker», said William after what seemed to be forever.

Sidney looked down like he was ashamed. Although it didn’t feel to Charlotte like he was. What was happening here exactly?

-«How dare you, saying no… A man like you… Truly a shame.» observed the old man. Sidney then looks at him, smirking. «The audacity this man had!» he then added, «Miss Heywood, could you possibly guess what this man right here did to me?»

Charlotte was posed, unsure how to answer this question.

-«I don’t know, sir, what has he done?»

-«Refused me the great honour of following me to India!» He exclaimed, pointing a finger at him in a very dramatic way.

-«Oh.» Then answered Charlotte, both unimpressed and unsure at the same time. Was he playing with her?

-«Sidney had other matters to attend, uncle Williams,» noted Eliza after a long pause.

-«Sadly: getting married!» joked the man as he winks in Charlotte’s direction as if she could relate in some ways.

Charlotte glanced over to Susan, then took a look at Eliza, who seemed now frustrated. «I am not married, Williams.» proceed to explain Sidney.

-«Yet» then both exclaimed Eliza and Charlotte at the same time. There was an uncomfortable silence after.

-«I see, you must be quite the busy man, Sidney» stated the man, winking again but this time in Susan’s direction. «Let’s come in, the others must be waiting» He followed the lead, followed closely by Eliza who you could clearly see was getting angry.

Susan took Charlotte by the arm and they walked behind them, Sidney was near them.

-« What an...interresting character is he» Whispered Charlotte to her friend. She let a quite laugh out of her mouth,

-« Dear, you have no idea. » she glares over her shoulders quickly in Sidney direction and then add « are you alright? »

Charlotte doesn’t answer but rather smiles weakly to Susan, holding her hand with affection. They then entered a room full of various people. Charlotte recognized a few artists she had already seen at the café, some to whom she had talked already. Among them were gentlemen’s from all age, all talking with each other. A few women were there and there, but not many.

The room had a very high ceiling, and plants and flowers were hanging from everywhere. Someone was playing the piano beautifully, making this moment seems kind of magical to Charlotte. The night was young, and she was excited to see what it had to offers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be more fun, i swear. I'm on my school break right now and i don't really have any big study to do so this week I'll take the time to write and ya'll will have chapter 16 by the end of it :)


	16. UPDATE -COVID19-WATTPAD

Hello everyone! 

First wanted to tell you all that I am perfectly fine, so are my loved one, and we are staying safe from the Covid19. I truly hope you are too, and so are your family and friends. 

As you probably can imagine, my college is closed for the next two weeks -at least- meaning that I have lots of free time. I also work in a mall so that gives me even more free time as it is now closed because of the virus. 

I will continue to write this story and a new chapter should be available in a couple of days. 

This brings me to this: Wattpad. I will upload the story on Wattpad. The Wattpad version will be an updated -although the storyline will stay intact- where I will rewrite some stuff and correct some mistakes. 

My Wattpad username is: Tell_me_a_story20 and the story will keep its name: Close your eyes and feel me. 

I prefer to use Wattpad to write, as the layout of the website is more suitable for writers. I will keep the AOO one updated, do not worry. 

Take care of yourself. :) 


	17. They kept finding themselves into those situations and they seemed unable to let go of one another.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get some action and some more sadness for our two heroes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have faith, dear reader, those two will have their happy ending, I'm simply building up to it ;)

Charlotte was walking around the room, trying as much as possible to stay far away from Eliza and Sidney, who were in the host’s company. She had a glass of champagne in her hand, and although she was trying not to, couldn't stop looking in his direction.

\- «Well, hello there,» said a seductive voice.

Turning around, a young man was standing behind Charlotte, all smiles. He was tall and had a muscular figure. With his dark hair and charming smile, Charlotte automatically found him attractive, and for a moment, forgot about her situation.

\- «Good evening, sir.»

\- «I’m Benjamin Robinson, m’ lady. » said the gentlemen, kissing Charlotte’s hand gently.

His accent was weird, definitely not English, neither was the way he was moving and talking, with a confidence she had not seen in many British before.

\- “Where are you from, Mr Robinson?” asked Charlotte, curious.

\- “From Upper Canada, but my mother is from London.”

\- “I’ve never met anyone from there before!” said Charlotte with surprise and excitement.

\- “Well, isn't that wonderful…” he said with a smile.

The conversation between the two of them went on and on for an entire hour, for the despair of Sidney, who was seeing it all from afar.

Charlotte was smiling and laughing with this man while he was standing there, mute, beside Eliza and some friends. Had they had been interested in what he had to say they would have noticed the constant glares to the young miss Heywood.

As the night went off, Sidney and Charlotte talked to more and more people, but never to each other. It was not until 12 pm that they ended up together, alongside lady Susan, Mr Robert and some friends of his.

\- “ So, miss Heywood, I was told you were not looking for a man, am I right?” asked the eccentric host.

Charlotte was used to those type of comments now. They were still annoying, but not shocking anymore.

\- “you would be right, sir,” she said.

\- “Good for you! And please, I’m begging, call me William”

\- “I beg your pardon?” said the girl, taken by surprise.

Good for her? That she was not used to hear.

\- “ A husband leads a woman to a path of misery and you are far too beautiful to go down this path!” he affirmed before taking a long sip of his drink.

Charlotte could not stop a laugh from coming out of her mouth. She simply could not believe what this man was saying.

\- “ Now, if you may, please explain to me how did you ended up in the situation you are right now my dear.” and then added.

for a moment, Charlotte was worried that Susan, or anyone, had told Williams Roberts about her misadventures in Sanditon. She quickly glanced over at Sidney.

\- “what do you mean?”

\- “How in the hell did you ended up in Sanditon? A guest here tonight told me there was an accident involved?” He looked truly curious.

\- “That guest would be right, indeed,” she confirmed, still a little tensed. “ See, I was on the hill with my siblings, hunting, and as I was ready to shot, I saw the Parker’s carriage going down the hill so fast! Too fast, actually, and I knew there would an accident, and…”

\- “Hold up, one second. This you just said you were hunting?” Repeat a man. “As if, you had the gun?”

\- “ My father taught me how to shoot a gun, sir. The day I met the Parkers, I was hunting a bunny.”

\- “fascinating!” said the man, amused.

\- “Anyways...after the accident, we took Tom and Mary to our house for the night. They talked about Sanditon, a beautiful village near the cost, and it sounded so beautiful and fun, I knew I needed to go.”

\- “ and so you did,” said Williams.

\- “The parkers were kind enough to take me in” added Charlotte with a smile.

\- “This is amazing! I take you must be well acquainted with Sidney here, then?” asked William.

Charlotte froze for a moment. She looked at Sidney and opened her mouth to talk, but no words would get out.

Sidney gently smiled and then said, all while locking his eyes into hers:

\- “Miss Heywood and I played a match of crickets together.”

\- “ She shoots the gun and plays crickets! My! What else can you do, miss Heywood?” Exclaimed the host. He was clearly impressed by her.

Shy, Charlotte didn't know what to say.

\- “She attended bravely a doctor when one of my brother’s construction worker fell and broke his leg. She was simply incredibly calm and knew right away what to do.” then added Sidney. Suddenly, he seemed to be happy to be in the conversation. His eyes had sparkles and he was visibly more relaxed.

\- “It was nothing, really” she tried to say

\- “ The man survived, and so did his leg,” said Sidney.

Charlotte and Sidney were still looking at each other, not saying anything, when Williams said :

\- “Well, Charlotte, it appears you are quite made for big adventures, aren’t you? Saving a man’s life like you did ” Joyfully said Williams.

\- “I think Mr Parker here is telling the story bigger than it is… I merely assisted him and the doctor.” she was still holding his gaze.

\- “And I think, Miss Heywood, that you have everything to be proud of yourself.” playfully said Sidney with a gentle smile.

Charlotte was taken aback by Sidney’s kindness. How easy it seemed, right there, to be talking to him like nothing between them had happened. Had they not shared one hot moment only a few weeks ago? Had she not begged him to kiss her?

Had she not humiliated herself to him?

Is she had, he clearly was not showing any of the humiliation they had been through that night. He was composed, calm and seemed so relaxed. And now that the conversation was playful, so was Charlotte.

Around one in the morning, most of the guest were inhibited by the alcohol. Not Charlotte, she had her bad experience with it, and with both Sidney and Eliza here, she was not about to make that mistake a second time.

William’s house was beautiful and very big, meaning there were many places for Charlotte to explore and admire the numerous pieces of art that made William’s collection one of the finest she had ever seen.

She was alone, in a hall, looking at a painting when she saw him. Had he been following her? Or was it simply luck?

\- "Mr Parker." She gently said, still looking at the painting.

\- "Miss Heywood." He whispered.

He walked over to her and stood by her, in silence. Both of them were looking at the painting.

Although none of them was saying anything, the silence in the hall was actually a comforting, almost peaceful feeling.

Charlotte was surprised by the ease of it all. To be standing next to the man she had begged for a kiss and not feel utterly embarrassed. How things could escalate quickly between the two, it was still a mystery to her.

She knew now that Sidney had wanted to kiss her just as much as she wanted him to do it. Both were desiring the other.

Because of that, she could not feel any shame anymore. Not when he wanted it too.

The only difference between the two of them was that Charlotte was having a harder time to control herself. He was far better at doing it than she was.

She could now feel his gaze on her skin. It was burning, to feel him looking at her in complete silence. Charlotte’s breath was now heavy and she was having a hard time not to look too.

She knew that if she did, she would probably be able to stop herself.

But they were alone, and no one would be seeing them. She could, at least, look at him. Couldn’t she?

She turned her head in his direction and met his beautiful, affectionate eyes. Both could feel the tension and the desire between each other.

Without saying anything, Sidney lifted his hand gently cupped Charlotte’s face. Slowly, his face got closer and closer.

He was about to kiss her and she was letting him.

His lips briefly touched her before he let go of a relieved sigh. His thumb caressed her chin and he kissed her again.

It was a very gentle and intimate kiss. Not a passionate, uncontrolled one, but rather an affectionate kiss that said a lot.

Charlotte’s hand touched his wrist, but other than that she simply was enjoying the kiss. There were butterflies in her stomach, and she was feeling so light. Oh, so light.

To being kissed by the man she loved, so affectionately, was truly one of the best feelings there was.

When he stopped kissing her, Sidney put his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. Charlotte was feeling a little bit dizzy and grasped Sidney’s arm. She felt as if she would fall apart and disappear after a kiss like that one. It was too good, too perfect to be true.

A kiss like could not possibly exist in a world where they did not belong to each other.

\- “ Are you alright?” asked Sidney, worried.

\- “Don’t let go, not now please,” she asked him, murmuring with her eyes still closed.

Charlotte felt so many emotions at the same time. Too many.

Her heart was telling her to kiss him again. It was screaming at her, begging for them to be together.

Her brain, on the other hand, was the only one to rationalize the situation.

What they were doing was wrong. She knew and he knew it too. They kept finding themselves into those situations and they seemed unable to let go of one another.

But as much as her heart believed it, he did not belong to her.

No, Sidney Parker belonged to another woman. Not Charlotte.

And kissing someone that doesn't belong to you is wrong, and it only leads to more suffering and sadness.

Charlotte had had enough of it. She had cried enough. She had suffered enough.

She opened her eye and looked at him one last time before kissing his lips, barely touching them. She cupped his face and held the kiss for a few more seconds.

\- “I can’t keep doing this anymore” she then said with a brittle voice. “ This has to stop,” she added, tears in her eyes. “ You have to stop, cause I won't be able to”.

Sidney didn’t say anything, although he knew she was right.

The two took a few steps from each other. Politely, Sidney bowed to her.

\- “Miss Heywood.” His voice was sad, tired.

\- “Mr Parker,” answered Charlotte, her throat tight.

They then went on separate ways, leaving one another for what felt like the 100th time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little reminder : the story is now on Wattpad where the newly edited version of the first 15 chapters are. This is the 16th chapter, it is the exact same one as the one on Wattpad. Wattpad is a much funnier platform to write on and I hope ya'll join me there :) But no worries, the AOO version will still be updated at the same time ;)   
The next chapter will be posted soon :)


	18. They were about to leave each other’s life in every possible way there was.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our heroes gets in even more trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while... This chapter is not special, but I had a hard time writing it... I hope you are all staying safe right now and are taking care of you.

Two weeks later, a ball was organized by Williams and both Charlotte and Susan were invited. Dressed in one gorgeous pink dress, Charlotte looked breathtaking as she was walking with Susan.

She had been the newest thing the people of high society were talking about. Every friend of William's wanted to meet this new, young girl who had climbed her way into Lady Susan's house. They all wanted to know about that woman who shoots gun and saves injured legs.

The night was going well, and it was going fast. Charlotte was already on her fourth glass of wine when she was approached by a less intoxicated Sidney Parker.

\- ''miss Heywood, may I speak with you?'' He asked. They were in public, in front of everyone to see.

How bold was he to come and talk to her like this.

\- ''Oh, i doubt this would be appropriate'' she snorted, taking another sip.

\- '' Please.'' he begged.

She looked at him and saw the man that she loved, hurt. If he had hidden his feelings for her in the past, if he had made it seems that he did not cared, right now, all she could see was the sadness and pain in his beautiful eyes.

How could she refuse him a simple moment?

She stepped aside from the crowd and he followed her. They were still in public, but not many could actually see them. None were paying any attention anyways.

\- ''What is it?'' she asked.

He avoided to look at her in the eye.

\- ''I need to apologize for my behavior since we've met, miss Heywood.''

\- ''Don't.'' she quietly begged.

\- ''I truly do. I have been arrogant with you for most of your time in Sanditon, and the way that I acted afterwards, writing those letters, was more than inappropriate.''

\- ''I do not blame you'' she said with tears in her eyes.

\- '' I blame myself.'' He finally looked up, clearly hurt. ''I should never have wrote to you. But most importantly, I never should have acted the way that I did with you in the past few weeks... ''

\- ''I do not blame you'' Charlotte said again.

\- ''You really should.'' insisted Sidney. '' I regret everything that went down between us.''

\- ''Is that all?'' she asked, clearly hurt.

\- '' No....'' He hesitated. ''There is one last thing I need to say.''

\- ''Then say it, Mr Parker.'' she begged.

\- '' I need to say goodbye.'' he confessed.

She rolled her eyes, who were sparkling by her tears, and shake her head. This was hard enough. 

\- '' Why?'' she whispered.

\- '' When the winter will be gone, I must leave for Antigua. For work.'' He said quickly. It was as if saying it fast would make it hurt less. It didn't.

It didn't. In fact, it simply hurt just the same. He was leaving, for god's know how long, and even when he would come back, he would get married to someone else. Hell, she might be married by the time he would be back. The thought of being separated by an ocean, forever, was unbearable.

They were about to leave each other's life in every possible way there was.

What drove Charlotte to grab his hand and drag him to a private room, she still doesn't know. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the fear of losing one another.

Once she closed the door behind her, her hand automatically went to his neck. Pulling him closer to her, she kissed his lips with eager.

Then, the most beautiful thing happened, Sidney kissed her back.

And oh, how he had longed for her touch.

Their last kiss did not satisfied him, two weeks ago. Ever since, he had dreamed about her every night, spend all of his day thinking about Charlotte. All the place he wanted to kiss her, all the skin he desired to explore.

What was supposed to be their last kiss was not enough. Sidney didn't think any kisses would be enough. And as he was kissing her here and now, he finally understood that there would never be enough last kisses. The desire and love he had for Charlotte would simply never go away. Not now, not in two weeks, not in ten years. In was burning, slowly and strongly, and nothing, no one, would ever changes that.

His fingers went all the way up on her forearm, playfully brushing her skin.

It was a gentle, loving kiss.

\- ''Charlotte'', he simply said,this time like a prayer.

His hands left her forearms and went to both her shoulders. Sidney then gently brushed her clavicle, leading her to let out a subtle moan.

Never had she been touched like this, so intimately and carefully, by anybody but him.

Never had he desired someone like her.

His hand then took place in her neck, his fingers going into her hair as she tilted her head up, eyes closed, overwhelmed by the feeling of his touch. She opened her neck to him. Instinctively, his lip went on her skin, near her clavicle. Her hands went in his hair.

He kissed her all the way up to her chin, leaving thousands of shivers on her skin. In a very natural motion, she jumps and sat on the desk behind and opened her legs. Sidney closed the gap and both of their bodies were now touching each other.

Finally, their lips crashed together again and for a moment, nothing else existed. She was breathless and neither he or she was able to move apart.

They had been craving one another for such a long time.

Sidney felt so many emotions at the same time. His hands grabbing her hips, he remembered those dreams he had only a few nights before. Those particular memories of them in bed made him burn with desire and he deepened the kiss, biting her upper lip.

Charlotte moaned on his mouth. His fingers were now under her dress, caressing her smooth legs.

They were touching each other like nothing else mattered. Like his own fiancée wasn't in the next room, as if a whole party wasn't going on. They kissed each other like the world was ending.

The passion between them was so strong, that they were both starting to undress one another.

But before anything else could happen, the sound of a door closing brought them back to reality.

In a gasp, Charlotte pushed Sidney and got up, terrified.

With a guilty look, Sidney looks behind and was surprised to see that no one was there.

But it was no question that someone had been there, and that therefore someone had seen them.

\- ''What have I done?'', asked Charlotte to herself, panicking.

He turned to her.

\- ''Stay here'', he tends his hand in her direction but she steps aside with this mortified look on her face. Sidney can't stop himself from feeling hurt by this rejection. '' You stay right here, I'll come back.'' He said while getting dressed. With one last guilty look, he left the room.

Obviously, Charlotte could not wait there. She put made sure her dress was alright and then followed him outside. It would have been impossible for her to stay there, patiently waiting, when someone, anyone, had seen her with him.

Her heart was pounding in her chest. She was now ruined, and so was her family! She had been caught kissing with a man!

How could I have been this stupid?

This whole situation had dripped out of control. She never should've written to him, nor answer any of his letters. She should've stayed away from him as soon as she arrived in London. What did she think would happen?

Charlotte was in shock.

She left the room in a hurry, not looking where she was going. Bumping violently into someone, it took a minute for Charlotte to recognize the lady in front of her. Her situation was too humiliating to care about manners now.

\- ''Lady Babington, what did you just see?''

Clearly unhappy from the collision, Esther was looking down at Charlotte with dissatisfaction.

\- ''Miss Heywood, what on earth are you talking about?''

\- ''In the room, just now, what did you see? '' She grabbed her arm and talked quickly with clear desperation in her voice.

\- ''I wasn't near that room, miss Heywood, not a minute ago, I was dancing!'' 

Charlotte let go of Esther's wrist. Her heart was pounding loudly in her chest. She must have looked desperate enough, because Esther's face was now showing worry. Automatically thinking of the worst, she checked around them to make sure they were both alone, and then proceed to gently take Charlotte by the hand.

\- ''Miss Heywood, what happened?''

Charlotte's lips quivered and her eyes became watery. Instantly, Esther took her into a secured hug, her hands on both her head and back in a very protective way. She shushed her by patting her back as Charlotte was crying openly in her arms.

Charlotte was feeling incredibly scared and guilty at this moment.

All of sudden, she was regretting every life decision she had made. She was regretting London, Sanditon, her stupid, stupid, desire for adventure.

Someone had seen her with a soon-to-be-married man, she was ruined. She would now have a reputation, and not a good one. Her parents would be so disappointed and she would be forced to stay in the family house for the rest of her life, as no men would ever want her to be their wife.

It was the end of her friendship with Susan, who could never be seen with her ever again. And the Parker's! Mary! Never in a million years would she ever talked to her again...

Charlotte felt incredibly alone.

\- ''Charlotte, you are going to tell me exactly what happened. Now.'' Insisted Esther.

\- ''I kiss him.'' She confessed.

Esther knew already knew who. She was a smart woman.

\- ''Someone saw you?'' Esther was talking with a controlled voice.

\- ''Someone opened the door'', her voice sounded like a crying child. She looked so innocent and vulnerable.

\- '' Listen to me, Charlotte.'' she squeezed her hand, ''Look at me!'' they both locked eyes. ''If someone saw something, I highly doubt they'll be able to recall it was you, or him. And if so, we will deal with it, alright?''

Charlotte was in shock, so all she did was shake her head. At this moment, all she wanted to do was to believe her. That was all she had left, this tiny hope that no one would ever remember that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be a pretty important one for the storyline, I swear.


	19. Nothing happening right now could be true.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we find out who saw the two lovebirds kissing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a very short chapter, sorry about that. Hope you still like it :)

The two women were waiting in the hall for what seems to be an eternity. It definitely wasn’t, but Charlotte had no exact grasp of reality at this moment. All she wanted was to finally wake up from this nightmare, back in her bed. Nothing happening right now could be true. 

  
  


\- “I cannot believe this… What have done?” She murmured to herself. 

Esther, who was standing near her with a concerned face, snapped at Charlotte. 

\- “You have done nothing wrong. Do you hear me, Charlotte?  _ Nothing.”  _

\- “I kissed a man who’s engaged.” 

\- “You were taken advantage of, that is what happened.” 

This comment took Charlotte by surprise . Taken advantage of? Her? By him? 

\- “ I was the one who dragged him in that room...I...I was the one who kissed him first, and…” 

\- “And  _ nothing.  _ Whatever happened in that room, you have to erase it. For your own sake, this man took advantage of you. We’re going to turn this situation in our favour.” 

\- “Our favour? You want me to ruin a good’s man reputation?His life?” 

\- “And what about your good reputation? A man can recover from  _ anything  _ in this world. Women are not as lucky.” 

Esther then took Charlotte’s hand in hers. She was clearly concerned, which was a weird look to see on Esther’s face. 

\- “ When,  _ if,  _ this story goes out, we will tell people that Mr Sidney Parker is a drunk, who mistook you for his fiancée. There was nothing more than a kiss.” 

\- “But someone saw.” 

\- “Whoever saw will shut their mouth. And if they don’t, we’ll find something.” 

\- “Why are you helping me?”

Esther hesitated. 

\- “We all deserve a friend in situations like these.” 

\- “Is that what we are, now? Friends?” 

\- “Yes.” 

It was a tender moment between the two women, but it didn’t lasted long. 

\- “Charlotte!” Said Sidney out of breath. “Miss Babington.” He quickly said, guilty. 

\- “ Mr Parker, you are going to tell me exactly who saw what happened in that room.” Demanded Esther. 

Sidney was taken by surprise. He had very little interaction with Esther in the past, and he was more than happy for his friend, but he had never expected he would find himself in such a situation and that she would be a witness to it. 

He gave a guilty look at Charlotte, who was sitting in silence. 

\- “Eliza.” Revealed Sidney. “She’s already left.”

Sidney then proceed to try to walk past Esther to Charlotte, but she stopped him. 

\- “ What are you doing?” Asked Esther while blocking him. 

\- “ Let me talk to her.” He begged. 

\- “ Absolutely not.” She said. “Enough damage has been done, don’t you agree?” 

\- “Esther, i have great respect to you, but you do not know the story and do not need to put yourself in it.” 

\- “I think someone here has to think about Charlotte’s future, and it does not seems to be you.” Esther snapped at him. She was done hearing any excuses. “Now, if this  _ incident  _ that happened between the two of you ever goes out, if your fiancée, Mr Parker, were to open her mouth about what she thinks she saw…”

\- “Think she saw?” Interrupted Sidney. 

\- “Yes,  _ think _ . If the word goes out, I will make sure that no one believes her. I will drag your reputation into the mud and tell everyone i have met that you took advantage of a poor, innocent, farm girl who were too scared to tell you off.” 

\- “It’s not what happened.” 

\- “I know it’s not. But it is what everybody else will know as the truth.” 

\- “Charlotte and I…” 

\- “There is no Charlotte and I!” She exclaimed , “ this whole situation you have put yourselves in is over. No more playing around, acting like children. Like there is no consequence for your actions.” 

As hard as it was for him to admit it, Sidney knew that Esther was right. Too many bad decisions had been made, too many mistakes. 

The thing is, he couldn’t think of any of his time with Charlotte as a mistake. 

But it was wrong. How they did it, in their situation. It was wrong. 

\- “What are we supposed to do, then?” 

\- “I’m going back home” said Charlotte, getting up slowly. “ I need to sleep.” 

\- “And you, Mr Parker, are also going home.” Added Esther. “Make sure to speak some sense into your woman and make sure that none of  _ this _ gets out.” 

  
  


It hurts to know how right Esther was. Sidney let go of a loud sigh. When was the last time he had been this tired? He had no idea. 

He gave one last look at Charlotte, who was looking at the wall in front of her. Sidney turned around, with every bit of strength that he had, and left. 

Esther took charlotte by her hand for the 100th time tonight. 

\- « Charlotte? Look at me. » she gently said. 

Charlotte’s eyes finally met with her new friend. 

\- « You are going to go home, with Susan. » she said. « And then tomorrow, I’ll come and we’ll talk. Alright? » 

Charlotte didn’t answer, but nodded a weak « yes » with her head. 

She wanted to sleep. She needed to be alone, completely alone and then she needed to cry. 

If that was the adventure of her life...Oh, how she wished she was Alison, scarred of the world and not wanting anything from it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you’re staying safe.


	20. No matter what she would say, where she would go, this story, Sidney Parker, would never truly leave her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Charlotte wakes up the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, hope you like it :)

Next morning, when Charlotte woke up in her bed, she felt paralyzed. She was afraid that if she moved, reality would come back and what happened last night would be true.

She could hear her sister in her head, telling her that she had to avoid trouble. Allison knew something like that was bound to happen, and Charlotte didn’t listen back then. She should’ve.

Charlotte should’ve take the whole Sanditon experience as a life lesson. These people that she used to find so fascinating, were nothing more than trouble. She didn’t belonged here. She never did and never would.

The Charlotte that practically begged her parents to let her go to Sanditon was dead and long gone. This innocence that she once had, was gone too.

With a long and heavy sigh, Charlotte found the strength to get out of bed, get dressed and walk out of her room. The house was particularly silent, Susan was still sleeping and all you could hear was the sound of the birds outside of the windows.

\- « Miss? » quietly said one of the butler. « You have a visitor »

Esther, probably. They were supposed to see each other and talk.

Talk about what, Charlotte didn’t know. Nothing was to be said. She kissed an man that wasn’t hers. She was caught. Her life was now over. Was there more to talk about? Did Charlotte had the strength to talk at all?

As she walked down the stairs in the direction of the front door, Charlotte’s stomach dropped. How she did not disappeared right in this instant was a mystery.

\- « Miss Heywood. » said Eliza, « care for a walk outside? »

Charlotte was petrified. She followed Eliza outside, even if she wanted to run away.

Why was Eliza here? What was going to happen?

They walked in silence for a couple of minutes. Eliza was holding her hands, her head up, proudly. Her eyes were red, like she had cried. Charlotte couldn’t say if she was angry or sad.

Eliza finally stopped after what felt like eternity. She turned around to finally face to woman who had kissed her fiancé the night before.

\- « Has this happened before? » she asked right away. Eliza did not come to ask meaningless questions. She wanted, needed, answers.

Charlotte gathered the courage to look at Eliza in the eye. She was expecting to see anger, hate, but was surprised to find an emotion that felt out of place in the situation.

Jealousy. Envy.

\- « yes » said Charlotte with a tight throat.

Eliza’s was now holding up tears. She wanted to look strong, undefeated in front of Charlotte. She had too much proud to be crying here, now, for him. Because of him.

\- “He only proposed to save Sanditon, didn’t he?” She asked more to herself in a gulp.

Charlotte’s heart was beating fast and hurting at the same time. She never intended to hurt anybody, but she had. She couldn’t stop thinking that if she had stayed truly distant, maybe Sidney would’ve got over her and fall right back into Eliza’s arms. It is what should’ve happened.

Charlotte thought of lying, tell her that he still loved her and that whatever last night was a simple fling. That the passion between her and Sidney would eventually fade away and he would go back to Eliza, not for the sakes of a city, but because they were made for one another. She wanted to lie, but even Charlotte knew it was unnecessary. She would never believe her. Charlotte didn’t even believed herself. She instead chose to not lie. Lies and mysteries had already done enough in their story. It had hurt enough people now.

\- “He loves his brother” she tried to justify with a shy voice.

Eliza let a dry laugh of her mouth.

\- “Sidney has been cleaning up after his family for all of his life” she sniffed, looking away. “ He has a duty and is a man of honour.” She quickly looked at Charlotte and then added “ at least, most of the time he is.”

Charlotte gathered what was left of the energy and courage she had left and finally faced Eliza with a strong look.

\- “I truly am sorry, for the pain we’ve caused you.” Her chin was shaking a little bit, she was about to cry but was holding on. “I promise that what happened last night will never occur ever again.”

Eliza laughed again, a single tear finally falling down her cheek quickly.

\- “I mean it, I won’t cause you, or him, any problems. I’ll leave London, never go back to Sanditon, get married to the first man that present himself to me back home.” She was rambling now, “ You’ll never see me again, you and Sidney will be together and both of you will forget i ever had a place in your story.”

\- “You are unbelievable, miss Heywood.”

\- “What do you mean?”

\- “To think that he will ever forget you.”

Eliza was now crying silently in front of Charlotte. After a moment, she turned around and left. Charlotte stayed standing there, powerless. It was like nothing could ever be done to make this right. No matter what she would say, where she would go, this story, Sidney Parker, would never truly leave her. And neither would she leave him. They were bound to each other, and they’re stories were intertwined forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe.


	21. The past was now the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sidney and Eliza gets to finally talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very important chapter, really hope you love it :) I do ahah

After Eliza left Charlotte alone in the garden of Susan’s house, she wandered around the city for a while. She had spent so many years wondering what would’ve happened if, ten years ago, she had married Sidney instead. Would he still have, somehow, met Charlotte Heywood? If so, would he have fell for her? And would she had fell for him, too? Were those destined to be each other, and both knew it? Was it why he kept coming back to her, even if he was already engaged?

She knew Sidney to be in far more control himself. Never, in the time that she was married, had he followed her the way he was following Charlotte.

What was she supposed to do, exactly? Let go of the only man she ever loved? Let him be with the woman he’s crazy for? Let them have their happily ever after?

What about hers?

She had to marry off to some older man simply of his money. This society makes it impossible for women to survive without a man. She had to choose. Would she had preferred to choose Sidney? Of course. She had loved him for as long as she could remember. There was a time where he was her everything.

But ten years ago, a choice had to be made. And in order to protect herself and her family, she had to choose someone else. It was what was expected her.

Even then, people judged her for it. They made this world this way and then they get angry when we play by the rules.

But now things were different. She didn’t need a husband anymore. She had everything she needed. She was finally safe and free to do whatever she wanted to do. When was the last time she did that?

She wanted Sidney now. They did not get to have the great love story they were supposed to have before. But they could now, couldn’t they?

Eliza let go of a sigh. She was so tired of all of this. She let a couple of tears fall down her cheeks, wiped them out and looked up to the sky.

She knew what she had to do. She knew what she wanted.

With her decision in mind, she decided to directly go to Sidney’s apartment. It was time to put an end to all of this foolishness.

It’s with conviction that she knocked on the door of Sidney’s room.

Sidney, on the other hand, opened the door already exhausted.

\- “ Eliza?” He sounded defeated, tired, even hopeless. He clearly did not slept at all and you could see it on his face.

\- “We need to talk, don’t we, Sidney?” Said Eliza while coming in. She looked around a little bit and then quickly turned back to him. She didn’t want to make it longer than it needed to be.

\- “Eliza, about last night…” began to say Sidney.

\- “I’ll do the talking” interrupted Eliza.

He had not the energy to fight her, nor did he really wanted to anyway. Sidney chose to sit down on a chair, letting his fiancée speaking.

\- “I have loved you for most of my life” admitted Eliza in a sad voice. “And when came the time, I chose someone else.” A tear was falling down her cheek. “It was a mistake, my mistake. I would give anything to go back to a place in time where you did resent me for leaving you, and moment in our history where you’re in love with someone else.”

\- “Eliza…” he murmured, guilty.

\- “But i can't do that. I can’t go back in time and change what happened. I need to let go of the past and focus on the future. Our future. It’s why i have to forgive you for last night, and probably the last few weeks too…”

Eliza was speaking through tears. Her heart was breaking.

Sidney looked away, feeling incredibly guilty to have betrayed the woman he once loved.

Oh, how much he had loved Eliza. He once thought that nothing could ever compare to what he was feeling with her. Her skin, her kisses, her smell, nothing could be better than this. No one could.

And then he met Charlotte Heywood, who put his world upside down so easily. The love he used to have for Eliza was unique, yes, but it was nothing like the way he was feeling about Charlotte.

\- “I forgive you, Sidney.” Said Eliza.

\- “Thank you” breathily said Sidney. He didn’t know what to say exactly. Was “thank you” good enough? Was it the right thing say? Was there a right thing to say? Sidney had no clue.

\- “i need you to forgive me too” added Eliza in a breath.

Sidney finally looked at her. The anger he had felt towards her in the last ten years was now gone. He had no place in his heart to hate Eliza anymore. No place for it, no strength either.

\- “Of course I forgive you, Eliza. After ten years, I can forgive you for this.”

Through the tears, Eliza laughed kindly.

\- “I didn’t mean that, Sidney. I need you to forgive me for holding you back from her.”

\- “What are you talking about?” Asked Sidney, now surprised.

Eliza wiped her tears with her fingers before saying :

\- “ Ten years ago was our time. It’s not anymore.” She tried to hide her sadness behind a weak smile.

\- “I can’t do this, Eliza.”

\- “You can’t, but I can.” She walked to the door, ready to leave. “ You have a duty to your family, and I get it. It’s what makes you, you. It’s why you were about to marry me.”

\- “Sanditon won’t survivre, my brother won't survive if we do not get married.” Said Sidney while getting up. He was now scared of what was about to happen. As selfish as it would sound, he needed Eliza’s money to make sure both his brother and his dream would not sink into bankruptcy. 

Eliza opened the door.

\- “No, They won’t survive without money. Which is why I will make sure that your brother gets the money he needs to make Sanditon into whatever rich’s people new summer destination he dreams of.” She gave one last look at her lost love, a small smile on her lips. “For the people i love, Sidney, I can too make sacrifice.”

And just like that, Eliza was leaving Sidney’s life again. For the second time, she had broken up their engagement. But for the first time ever, Sidney was relieved to see it end.

The past was now the past.

The present was to be decided.

And the future was his to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are happy with this :) I really hope you can see Eliza from a new point of view and that you can have a little compassion for her, i sure do :) 
> 
> Stay safe.


	22. Note from me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you’ll read this.

I wanna start by saying thank you to all of you guys who are reading, voting and leaving such kind comments on both Wattpad and Archives of our own! It's incredibly encouraging to see that not only do you like the way I interpreted the story and characters but that you also like my writing in itself. I've felt uncomfortable and doubtful about my writing skills for a long time and I've postponed posting the stories that I write for so many years. To know that you guys like it is really nice and it makes me so happy. 

I also wants to talk about what is happening in the us right now, as a lot of you guys probably are from the USA. George Floyd was killed this week by a police officer, who stood on his neck until he stop breathing while his colleagues not only watched it happened, but did not interfered to make it stop.It is shameful, disgusting and incredibly inhuman. Black people have seen their lived being taken away for no reason other than for being black ever since white people forcefully brought them in America. I hope that you will take this moment to not only pray (if you're religious) and have a thought for him and his family, but most importantly to actively protest against the systemic racism on what this country is built on. It is not enough to not be racist, we must be anti-racist, check our own privileges and think of a effective way for us to not only uplift black peoples -and other people of colour- but to radically changes this system that has been created for and by white men. It is not enough to care about Black Death, we must care and protect Black Lives.

I know this seem like it's the wrong place for me to be doing this, I know you guys wanna read about Charlotte and Sidney and you're not here to read me talk about this heavy subject. But I cannot, will not, stay silent on this. As a white person, I will use every bit of platform that I have, as little at it could be, and use it to put light on issues that matter to me. I have been an ally and always will be an ally. #blacklivesmatter.

The next chapter will be available in a couple of days, I still have one exam left and then I'm school-Free.

I hope you all are staying safe in the pandemic. Stay strong. Stay safe.

Love y'all

❤️🖤


	23. knowing what it feels like to not be able to be with the person you love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Charlotte let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are all doing well, that you and your loved one are staying safe. Before we get to reading, I need to say a few things. This chapter will be the last one for a while, I’m taking a short break. Its also the shortest chapter yet, with around 600 words…   
I will take my time now to take care of both my physical and mental health and i will also take my free time to educate myself by reading and watching documentaries and i simply feel like writing this story isn’t the thing i need to do right now. I know you were used to almost weekly updates and im sorry for the change, but it will be more of monthly updates from now on… 
> 
> I am currently reading two books (one audiobook) : How to Start a Revolution by Lauren Duca and How to be antiracist by Ibram Kendi. Both are easy to read and to understand and both are affordable. I recommend them to you if you simply want to get educated a bit more about activism and the Black lives matter movement. 
> 
> Anyways, let's get to the reading!

As soon as Eliza was gone, Sidney had to fight the urge to run right away to Charlotte. It would have been such a suspicious thing to do, already being found in another woman’s arm the exact same day his engagement was broken up. Even before his family or hers heard the new. No. Sidney had done enough wrongs since Sanditon. 

He would have to wait. 

\- “What do you mean, Eliza Campion was here?” Nervously asked Susan. 

Esther and Charlotte shared a meaningful look. It was a weird morning for Susan. First, Esther Babington was in her house, to see Charlotte! And second, earlier, Eliza Campion, the fiancée of Sidney Parker, was also in her house and to see none other than Charlotte. Last night, when she went to sleep, Charlotte only had her as a friend and now, two women already came to see her. 

It wasn’t even past noon yet!

\- “Something happened, last night.” Began to explain Esther carefully.

\- “Sidney and I kissed” then bluntly said Charlotte. 

She seemed to be now unfazed. Whatever what bound to happen, would happen. She had cried all night, she had begged Eliza to forgive her, but nothing would ever change what happened. She had to accept that this was her new reality. 

\- “Oh, good lord” murmured Susan, exasperated. She knew about Sidney and Charlotte situation, but she had hoped that either it would eventually stop or that they would be a little more subtle about it. 

Susan had hide a secret relationship with Catherine for the last decade now, and Sidney and Charlotte couldn’t even hide it for a year.

\- “What did she want? Charlotte!” Asked Esther. 

\- “She wanted… she wanted to know if it happened before.”

\- “And what did you say?” 

\- “I told her i would disappear from both their lives. Promise to stay away.” Said Charlotte in a evasive voice. 

\- “And what did she say?” 

\- “That I was foolish.” 

\- “In that, she would be right.” Thought Susan out loud. “Sorry, dear, but the two of you were incredibly careless.” 

Charlotte laughed lightly, but still looked absent. 

\- “That, we were.” She admitted. 

Esther was now walking around the two women, thinking. She had come here with a plan, but it required Eliza’s anger to be… more vibrant. She wanted to manipulate her, scare her even. But from what happened this morning, Eliza didn’t seemed to have come here with revenge in mind. It appears that maybe Charlotte would not be in the type of trouble they were expecting her to be. It didn’t bothered Esther, far from it, but she didn’t know what to do now. 

\- “Let’s go inside, shall we?” Suggested Susan. 

\- “I think we should, yes” said Esther. “ Charlotte, are you alright?” 

Charlotte turned around to face her two friends. She bit her lip and looked at them with a weak smile. 

\- “It’s over, isn’t it?” She asked, but really, she knew the answer. 

\- “Yes”. Simply said Susan. 

\- “I’ll have to be with someone else, will I?”Charlotte was yet asking another already answered question. 

In a gulp, oh so knowing what it feels like to not be able to be with the person you love, Esther and Susan both said at the same : 

\- “Yes.”

With a sad smile on her beautiful face, Charlotte went inside with the two ladies. As hard as it was, she knew that she would have to let her feelings for Sidney Parker go. It would take time, but eventually they would go away. 

Or maybe they wouldn’t. Nonetheless, Charlotte had now accepted her fate. She had fallen for a man with who she couldn’t be. Thousands of women before her had gone through this and survived. Charlotte was no different. Her heart would be broken forever, yes, but it would eventually stop aching, hoping, dreaming of this impossible idea of being with Sidney Parker. 

If the man she loved could sacrifice himself to save his family, then letting go of him was her own sacrifice. 


	24. It was a bittersweet win

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our hero’s finally get a win!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a break, i am back behind my screen, writing!  
I have take the past few weeks to educate myself more, to read and watch documentaries so that i would understand the world i live in a bit better. 
> 
> I highly recommend the documentary on Netflix called « 13th » and i also highly recommend « how to be antiracist », wonderful book im currently reading. 
> 
> On the 4th of July, i hope Americans have take the day to truly think about what it means to be Americans, and for what their flag and constitution truly stand for. 
> 
> On July the first, i hope my fellow Canadians have taken the day to remember what Canada is as a country, and also think of the meaning of what it means to be Canadian. I did not celebrated. Will not, not as long as i dont believe that the flag and constitution and the government stand for me, and everybody else. As North Americans, we have a responsibility to remember that we live on stolen land and that the genocide our First Nations and Native Americans have been through is still going on. 
> 
> That being said, i hope you like the chapter :) its a cool one, and the rest of the story is going to be a lot steamier ;)

Ever since his engagement to Eliza was over, Sidney was feeling incredibly relieved. The weight he was feeling all the time was now gone, his constant headache was a thing of the past. He was feeling better, happier. The snow outside in London was also melting, spring was finally here. Life was back. Life was here. 

He wasn’t with Charlotte, and had not seen her for almost a month now, but he still felt the happiest he had felt in months. 

He was no longer engaged to someone he didn’t loved. He was no longer responsible of his brother’s financial crisis and he was finally, finally, able to breathe. 

No endless nights drinking himself to sleep, no more was he writing unfinished letters that he never sent anyway. He would not have to sneak around to see the woman he loved, he wouldn’t have to make her his mistress - the thought of it had crossed his mind- and he would finally, for the very first time ever, be able to do exactly what he want. Mary Charlotte Heywood. Wake up, every morning, next to his  _ wife _ . 

It had been a month now, and it was now time. 

As for charlotte, she was doing ok. She had stopped crying herself to sleep, and her eyes were regaining their sparkles, days after days. 

She had not seen Sidney since the last time, nor had she seen or talked to Eliza Campion. No, Charlotte didn’t go out much in the past few weeks, but she was ok with it. She spent most of her time reading, something she has not done in a while, and hang out with either Susan or Esther. Charlotte had grown to appreciate Esther a lot in the last few weeks, and what seemed to be totally impossible before had happened: the two women were now friends. 

It was her who broke the news to Charlotte. 

Esther arrived in the tea room breathless, almost running to Charlotte. Her cheeks were red and her hair were all over her face.

\- « My, Esther, are you alright? » asked Charlotte, both curious and worried. 

Esther was panting, unable to say something for a few seconds, which only made charlotte wonder more. 

\- « He...They... » she tried to say between heavy breaths, « they’re not...Sidney... » 

\- « What are you saying? » said charlotte, jumping suddenly from her seat.

Her hand on her chest, Esther slowly started to calm down, finally. After a short pause, she looked up to Charlotte and said : 

\- « Sidney’s engagement has been off for a month. » 

Suddenly, Charlotte’s world stopped, her heart skipped a beat and before realizing it, she already was outside the door. Running in the streets of London, similar to how Esther had run a moment before, charlotte was running to Sidney, unaware as to why his engagement was over. Unaware why he had not yet told her about it. But she didn't care, she didn’t take any moment to think about it. 

The man she loved was not engaged to another woman anymore, and she didn't need any reasons or explanations. All she needed, was to see Sidney face to face. To look into his eyes and see if he still want her the same way she still wanted him. 

Quickly, before she knew it, she was standing in front of his building. Suddenly, the fear and anxiety that should’ve got into her minutes before were finally here. She had run to someone who just got out of an engagement. Has she not played with her chances enough? Has she not done enough stupidities? Was she hoping for them to suddenly get engage? What exactly was she expecting ? 

\- « Charlotte? »

His voice was soft, yet surprised. Sidney was standing there, his eyes open from the shock. What was she doing here? 

Charlotte was also surprised. She turned to face him, silently. 

The two were facing each other in complete silence, unsure as to what to say or what to do. They were in the street, and although nobody was there, they were still in public. 

\- « Are you still engaged to Eliza? » Softly asked Charlotte, under her breath. Her eyes were locked in his. 

\- « I am not. » he simply answered, quietly. 

Without thinking about it more, Charlotte jumped in Sidney’s arms and kissed him desperately. Yes, they were in public, and yes, someone could’ve seen them. Did she cared? Not at all. Did he? Not at all. 

At the end of the end, they did not have the strength to deny to anybody that they were deeply, incredibly in love with each other. 

It is why Sidney’s arms grabbed Charlotte by her waist as her lips crashed onto his. They both felt relieved as they kissed, not in secret, not behind someone’s back and not for a bittersweet goodbye. They were simply kissing because they loved each other, and it never felt better. 

Sidney’s lips left charlotte’s for a moment before he took her in his arms and quickly, before they both realized it, they were standing in front of Sidney’s door. 

Charlotte was breathing heavily, her heart was pumping fast and her cheeks were bright red. Her eyes were glazing with lust and she bit her lips as she looked at Sidney. 

His heart was also pumping fast and his breath was heavily, just like his lover. He looked down at the woman he loved, and his whole body felt warm. 

She was the one to open the door, already unlocked. She did it all while looking at him in his eyes. Quickly, her hands were on his neck, and her lips, on his. They were kissing with passion and eagerness for each other. 

Not a lot was said, because not a lot was needed. 

With his body, Sidney pushed Charlotte’s near the bed. Two steps, and she already was laying on it, Sidney over her. They had been in a situation like this before, but it had never been like that. For the first time ever, they were not scared to be found by anybody, because there were nobody to find them. 

His hands slides under her dress, gently brushing the soft skin of her legs. Shivering, she let go of a quiet moan. If she had not desired him for so long, maybe every of his touch wouldn’t be as intoxicating. She didn't think so, but maybe. 

Charlotte grabbed his coat and took it off of him, then she tried to take off his shirt, but was unsuccessful. 

\- « take off your shirt » she told him. 

He took his lips off her neck and lift his head to look at her. 

Slowly, he took off his shirt, simply to tease her, which she did not think as something funny. 

\- « take off your shirt » she then begged. 

Sidney let a soft laugh of his mouth, smiling at Charlotte’s despair. Finally, when the shirt is off, she smiles too. In a moment, both of their eyes locked in each other, and the couple finally truly look at one another. 

She gently grab him by the chin, stopping him from kissing her and then forcing him to focus on what she had to say. 

\- « why haven't you told me? » she ask, worried. « As soon as it was over, why didn't you run to me? » 

  
  


Sidney let out of sigh before putting his forehead against her, his eyes close. 

\- « it would have been wrong. » he murmured. 

\- « we’ve done worse » she murmured too. 

\- « exactly. » Sidney stated. 

  
  


Quietly, Sidney got up and sat on the bed, leaving Charlotte laying. Up on her elbows, frowning, she asked : 

\- « What is wrong? » 

Sidney gently laugh, then turn to face the woman of his dream. 

\- « we cannot do this, us, right now. We’ve made Anouilh mistakes, we do not need you to... » he didn't finish his sentence, but both knew what he was talking about. 

  
  


\- « Do you not want to marry me? » quietly asked Charlotte, unsure. 

\- « of course! » he held her face between his hands, « i will marry you, Charlotte. But i cannot, will not, marry you now. » he sighed, « and i will not touch you before. » 

\- « not now? Why not? » charlotte was now worried. If Sydney was no longer engaged, what exactly was stopping him from marrying her? 

  
  


He got up, and in a second had his shirt back on. His hands on his hips, visibly tired, he said : 

\- « i have work in Antigua that I must attend. » 

Now sat on the bed, charlotte still did not understand. 

\- « i cannot marry you and then leave you for months, maybe a year. This isn’t the proper way to do it, and i will not leave my wife all by herself the first year of our marriage...I... » he was now rambling. 

Charlotte got on her knees and grabbed him by the waist, all while getting dangerously close to his face. She was beautiful, her hair falling all over her shoulders and face. Her lips were a bright red and her eyes had the sparkles of love in them. 

\- « then take me with you » she said, kissing his neck. « Marry me and take me with you. » another kiss, a moan out of his mouth. « I’ll follow you to the end of the world, as long as you marry me. » she said. 

As much as he wanted to, as much as he loved her lips on his skin, he knew it was impossible. No crew would allow her on a ship, Antigua was far too dangerous for a woman like her and what kind of man would he be, to put his newly married wife in such a situation? No… they would have to wait…

Sidney grabbed Charlotte’s hands and put them away from his hips. It's a dangerous game that she is playing, looking like that, touching him where she is touching him…

\- « Nothing would make me happier than to have you with me... » he said to a smiling charlotte. « But this cannot happen. You know it. » 

Her smile slowly faded away. 

\- « So you will leave me, on a promise of coming back in what, a year? » she was unsatisfied. She needed more. « Is that all you can give me? » she asked. « How will i justify this to my family? Please, don't make me go back. Don’t take us away from each other. » 

  
  


Sidney kissed her on her forehead, also disappointed. 

  
  


\- « you belong with me,as i belong with you. » he murmured in her ear. « I will come back and i will make you my wife. Promise me you’ll wait for me, knowing of my return. Know that i will only come back for you, and only you. » 

  
  


She let go of both a tear and a sigh. It was a bittersweet win. To be with him, but not with him, to be promised, but not married… to be in love, but not loving one another truly and completely. 

To wait a year, for a lifetime together, was worthy. It was heartbreaking, but definitely worthy of. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you’re all doing well,that you’re safe and so are your loved one.  
Wanna say thank you all for the constant support for this story, you comment, you like and it means something. We’re already at 13k of views on Wattpad! YAY!
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter :)


	25. And just like that, they both were apart, again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our hero’s are, sadly, apart again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are all doing well. Idk about you, but where im from it is very hot outside. If it is for you too, please be mindful and bring water with you and put sunscreen and take break. Also, do not forget your pets and give them cool spots to lay down and cold water!
> 
> I hope you like this (short) chapter :)

Charlotte knew, even if it made her angry, that Sidney was right. There were many reasons as to why they could not get married, not even engaged, yet. 

Firstly, Sidney and Eliza’s engagement was newly off. People would definitely talk, and half of London was friends, or maybe sometimes related, to Eliza. With Sidney leaving for Antigua, their engagement would be the talk of the year in the city, and Charlotte would be alone to face it. 

Secondly, Sidney was leaving for Antigua. What would happen if he did not come back? He would leave charlotte widowed, at such a young age, with nothing. 

And finally, there were no crew that would allow her on a ship like theirs. 

Sadly, it seems that their year apart would be an unfortunate experience of their life, but if it meant spending the rest of it together, it was worth it. Wasn’t it?

Still, charlotte was incredibly saddened by the sooner than later departure of her lover. Sidney was leaving for antigua in a week already, leaving them so little time together. 

Nonetheless, it did not stopped Charlotte from sneaking into Sidney’s room, without being noticed, once a day. Nothing would happen, but the two would spend their time discussing and , sometimes, arguing over books, art and even politics. Every now and then, a kiss would be stolen, leading them to the bed. 

But Sidney was truthful to his word, he would not touch her before marrying her. So as hard as it was, after all, Sidney knew what he was missing, unlike charlotte, he controlled himself from going further, but most importantly stopped the little devil that is Charlotte Haywood from doing anything. 

On his last day, Sidney felt sick all morning. Knowing he was about to say goodbye to charlotte made him nauseous and dizzy, and he did not looked forward to see her one last time before leaving. 

He went to Susan’s home to say goodbye, because he was sure that there would be no eyes to see, and no ears to hear the two of them. Outside in the garden, near the rose’s, the couple was standing face to face, hands in hands. 

Sidney didnt want to say much, but rather kept looking at charlotte’s face, trying to memorize everything, every little details. Her lips, the little sparkles in her eyes, those big, curious brown eyes… He already knew that his mind had not forgotten what she looked like - he had dreamed of her too much the past year not to - but still, he needed to analyze everything, remember everything. 

Charlotte, on the other hand, wanted to talk, but didnt know what to say. What do you say, when the love of your life is forced to go away? How could she promise to be there when he came back, if it was his return that was unsure? 

How could it be enough to say « i love you » when her whole heart, body and soul was longing for him? 

\- « i have to go... » he said, finally looking down on the ground, almost guilty. 

Without hesitation, charlotte brought him closer to her and kissed him right away. Their skin in contact, his lip touching hers, the sweet taste of his mouth… oh, how was she supposed to last a year without this? 

Still close, Sidney held charlotte in his arms firmly and put his forehead to hers. Both of their eyes closed, they were taking this last moment to breath in, together. 

\- « I’ll be back before you know it. » he tried to sound hopeful, but even he could not believe this would be easy in any way. 

Charlotte grabbed his face by her hands, locking their eyes into each other. 

\- « you come back to me, Sidney Parker. » she instructed him. « do you hear me? Or I’ll never forgive you. » 

Sidney gently smiled, knowing how scared his Charlotte was. 

\- « I promise. » 

Here he was, making promises he already was unsure to be able to keep. Nobody knew what were to happen to him, only God. 

One last kiss, a long, passionate kiss that screamed « i love you » and « you belong to me ». 

Sidney left before he changed his mind. And just like that, they both were apart, again. 

Before she could realize it, it took a month and a half before receiving the first letter from antigua. Weirdly, it was not from Sidney himself…

  
  


_ To miss Charlotte Heywood, _

_ Miss Heywood, my name is George MacKay, and i have been put in charge of writing this letter to you in the name of sir Sidney Parker.  _

_ It is with sadness that I must announce to you that mr. Parker have become ill for the past few weeks, and is believed not to survive the end of the month.  _

_ With the strength left in him, he asked me to deliver you this message :  _

_ My Charlotte,  _

_ I cannot come back to you, but please know that you are here with me, in my heart. My body and soul belong to you.  _

_ I have never loved anyone the way i loved you, and i am the luckiest man there is to have been loved by you.  _

_ May we meet again, when you have lived a long and prosperous life.  _

_ I know we will.  _

_ Ill be waiting for you.  _

_ With all my love,  _

_ Sidney.  _

As she read the letter, charlotte’s heart was racing incredibly fast. Realizing now that the man that she loved could be dead at this very moment, she did the only thing she could : she screamed in agony, dropping on her knees in the middle of her bedroom. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OI! Did you like this chapter? What do you think happens next?


	26. Note from me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No need to panic, im not giving up the story nor am i taking a break! 
> 
> I know you guys love the story and after the last chapter, are wondering what will happen 😉 
> 
> I juste have a few questions down below to you all 😊

Ive been re watching season 3 of the show Anne with an E, which is a new adaptation of Anne of green gables. Now, its a very modern adaption and i truly love what they did with it and the 3 seasons are astonishing. 

However, it was not renewed for a fourth season, although it should have. Kind of like Sanditon! 

Now, both AnnE and Sanditon are period drama, and are right now unfinished stories. As i am writing my version of Sanditon’s ending, i am wondering if i should write my perfect ending for AnnE as well? 

You have been so kind for the past few months with your comments, and you have told me more than once how you liked not only the story, but also my writing. So i was wondering what others would think about me writing an end story for Anne with an E? 

Do you think it is something that could be interesting to read? Let me know in the comments! 

Stay safe, wear your mask and wash your hands. Drink a lot of water, its incredibly hot outside. 

I want to remind you all that we are still in a pandemic. 

I want also to remind you that your feed is not supposed to « go back to normal » if you truly care about black lives. The fight is still going and the victory is long overdue. Stay safe. Black lives matter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you ! 😊


	27. She was on her way back to her lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Charlotte finds a way back to her heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello you :)   
Its been a couple of weeks, around a month now, and i must ask y’all to forgive me because i left you on a big cliffhanger and im about to leave you into another one 😬 I have no motivation to write right now, about nothing, and i actually am rediscovering reading, something i used to do a lot before starting college and ive picked it up again in quarantine.   
This is why i am giving you this crumbles of a chapter today. I hope you understand, ill be working on the next one for the next month, but no timeline as to when it will be posted. 
> 
> We are still in a pandemic, take care of yourself, and the one around you by washing your hands, wearing a mask and properly quarantine.   
Black lives matter.

\- « He can't be dead. » Said Charlotte, biting her nail, the letter in her other hand. « He cannot be. » she said again. 

Susan was sitting on the sofa near her, completely shocked. Esther, on the other hand, was walking all over the room, worried. 

\- « Charlotte, my dear... » tried to say Susan, but she cut her off immediately.

\- « No! » she snapped, tears in her eyes. « He’s not dead, I know it, Susan,  _ I  _ know it. » 

  
  


\- « how could you know that, Charlotte, dear? » Susan did not wanted to be the one reasonable, down to earth… but who else would? Esther was married to his best friend, and Charlotte was far too involved to see the truth. 

\- « I know it. » she said as a tear fell down her cheek. « if Sidney was dead, i would feel it. I would know it. » another tear, then a couple more on the floor. « How can he be gone when im still here, Susan? How? He cannot be dead. » 

Susan looked at her friend, crushed. She thought of her own lover, imagined her being gone, and her heart skipped a beat. Would she know as well, would she feel it, if something came to happened to Catherine? When two people love each other, can they really feel one another, anywhere and every time ?

Esther stopped walking abruptly, her back facing her two friends.

\- « Esther, are you alright? » asked Susan.

It took Esther a minute before turning around, a different look on her face. She walked near the two women in silence and then finally said : 

\- « You ought to go. » she whispered, as if the walls had ears. 

\- « what? » exclaimed Susan. 

Esther took charlotte’s hand between hers. « Do tell me, my friend, do you truly know that he is alive? » 

\- « yes » simply said Charlotte, determined. 

\- « then you must go, go to antigua and find him. » Said Esther. « I’ll arrange everything with my husband, he’ll make it happen. » 

Susan then stood up, done with this. 

\- « absolutely not! Are you going insane? » she looked at them like they were crazy -maybe they were- and continued to say « You have done more to hurt your reputation than i have ever seen someone from your status do in my entire life! » she said while pointing to Charlotte. « And you! » it was to Esther she was talking now, « you! You almost lost EVERYTHING. Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have found a husband like yours? And to be living like you do now? How lucky? » 

The two were quite surprised and shocked by Susan’s speech. They watched her sit down again, closing her eyes. 

\- « women, in our society, cannot go around and make mistakes. » said Susan. 

Tears in her eyes, she get up and quickly leaves the room, leaving Esther and Charlotte to themselves. Guilty, Charlotte turn to Esther. She already hates herself for saying this, but she knows she has too. She know its the only thing left to do, she know she won't be able to sleep at night otherwise.

  
  


\- « Esther, I need you to send me to Antigua. »

With a convicted look, her friend smiled at her, determined. It has been a long time since Charlotte had felt so sure about something. There were no doubts in her mind that the right to do for her was to go to him. 

Screw everybody else. The hell with her reputation, with his, she didn't cared about her family’s name, or the shame it could bring to her friends. All she thought about was to be close to Sidney again. She knew, deep down she knew, that he was still alive. 

  
  


Two days later, Charlotte was hiding at the dock, waiting for her friend and ally to arrive.It was late at night, and she had walked in the streets of London, this time more aware of her surroundings. Her first experience in the streets of the capital at this hour of the night was not one to be cherished. 

Charlotte saw two shadows coming near her, and she tried her best to keep her heart calm. It was until she recognized the two familiar faces that she let go of her grip on her dress. 

Esther and Georgianna were both wearing a dark cape over their head. It felt good for charlotte to finally be with her dear friend again, even if she did not looked pleased to be here. 

\- « i still believe this is a bad idea » stated Georgianna while hugging tightly her friend. 

\- « well, im sure you’ve seen worse » whispered Esther, carefully looking around, making sure they weren’t followed, or noticed. Nobody was at the dock right now, but still, the three of them were out of place nonetheless, one lady, with a farmer’s daughter and the richest black woman of all England had no business being at the dock by themselves around 3 am. 

Charlotte held her friend’s hands in hers, smiling. « Im so glad youre here, Georgianna. You have no idea what this mean to me. » she said. 

It was Esther idea to write to Georgianna. She knew they couldn’t count on Susan’s help, and her husband, as progressive as he is, would definitely not had been on board with this plan. If someone could both understand Charlotte’s situation and be willing to help, it was Georgianna. 

\- « would you care go over the plan, one more time? » asked Georgianna to Esther. 

  
  


Still looking around, Esther start explaining : « First of all, to get on the boat, Georgianna is who she is : the rich lady from antigua, and you Charlotte, are one of her servent. » she gives an explanatory look to Georgianna and say « You’re going back home, which technically isn’t a lie. » 

\- « and once where in Antigua? » ask Charlotte. 

\- « Once you two are there, you, Charlotte, is looking for your husband, Sidney Parker. » suddenly, Esther look panicked, she look into her small bag and get a small ring out of it. Satisfied and eased, she give the ring to Charlotte with a smile. « Here, your ring. Now remember, on the boat, you are a servant, but one the island, you’ll be Mrs Parker, looking for her husband. » 

\- « will people believe im his wife? Won’t they know he’s not married? » ask Charlotte, now worried. 

\- « I doubt they will, and if so, Sidney will play the game. » answer Esther. 

\- « Sidney will kill me for doing this » then say Georgianna. 

\- « Let me deal with him. » affirmed Charlotte to her friend. 

\- « Huh, what can he do then? I’ll already be back home! » says Georgianna with a laugh. 

Charlotte was torn between laughing and being angry. This was one hell of a stunt they were planning, and it could bring more trouble than anything. Meeting in the middle, Charlotte gave a small smile to her friend, although her eyes were more than serious. 

\- “ what about here? London, Sanditon? Even back at home?” Asked Charlotte to Esther, still on the lookout. 

\- “i got it covered. There’s a letter leaving London as we speak to tell your parents that you are leaving London for Sanditon, you are sick and in great need of fresh air and the Parker’s glady invited you back.” 

\- “You told my family I was sick? Are you mad! They’ll come right away!” Almost screamed Charlotte. Let it be said that she was anxious right now...

  
  


\- “No, they wont. I sent another letter to your sister, Allison, whom if i recall our conversations know about your situation. She will take care of your family. Plus, its not a physical illness I created you. They’ll know that it is for your best interest to simply let you go back.” 

\- “what about London?” Wondered charlotte. 

\- “People here will be told you are going back to your family home, both to help your mother with the incalculable numbers of children she has and because your father, strong farmer is he, is feeling unwell.” Explained Esther.

  
  


\- “I must say, you really thought of everything” admit Georgianna, clearly impressed. 

  
  


\- “thank you” said Esther, flattered. “ and finally, as of Sanditon, the Parker family will also think you are back at home.” 

\- “I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am” Charlotte said, but Esther quickly interrupted her. 

\- “feels good to help a friend like you, Charlotte. Don't think about it.” 

  
  


Suddenly, without realizing it, the sun had just begun to raise. At the same thing, the docks workers and all of the ship’s crew and fishermen seems to arrive slowly. Without saying it, the three women knew it was now time. They still had the choice to step back, but they didn't. Esther held Charlotte close CHarlotte in her arms, knowing that she was about to get into one tricky adventure. It would take around a week and a half for her and Georgianna to get to Antigua, and Charlotte was supposed to come back right after finding Sidney. Esther would have to keep up with the lies for about a month until her friend came back. She could do it. 

Georgianna and Charlotte left Esther for the boat. Both with few of their possessions, they embark upon an old boat, where everyone on board looks in their direction weirdly. Not only were there two women embarking for antigua, but they were not accompanied by men. It seemed like the next week was going to be a hard one.

But Charlotte was okay with it. She was on her way to get back her lover. Nothing else mattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for this cliffhanger im leaving you in!! This is so not the chapter i wanted to give you guys, i wanted to write the one with Charlotte in Antigua and all but i just simply cannot write anything theses days. Lots of love for y’all.


	28. Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter !

Hello everyone!

i hope you’re all doing fine, I’m doing ok as for myself. 

Just coming to tell you about something im working on, it’s a Anne with an e fan fiction about what Season 4 could’ve looked like! It’s called “miss you terribly” and you can check it out on my account :) 

I’m also working on the next chapter of this story here, I’m not letting Sidney and Charlotte go just yet, no need to worry 😉 

thank you ☺️ 


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